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My neighbors got so weird when I asked how many bodies they thought were buried in their yard. I meant roughly, not like an exact number.
I try to avoid picking up turtles on the side of the road. Just in case they are in the middle of a race.
Please either stop being so attractive or make out with me, it`s your choice.
Boy it`s nice out today... or at least that`s what it says on my computer.
Your personality needs alcohol.
All my biological clock does, is let me know when it`s time to eat again
Dear Alcohol, Will you be my valentine? ?
Okay im going to make myself a sandwich, and i better have some votes when i come back. -.-
Every dog is a badass until you decide to vacuum.
My girlfriend wants to get married. I hope she finds someone nice.
Why did the mushroom go to the party because he was the fungi
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like 10, so you can choose.
To whoever said “fight fire with fire”: do you actually test your own advice before giving it?
You should never answer your phone during sex, particularly if it`s your wife calling.
Drop it! Please, just DROP IT. - My dog, whenever I`m eating.