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The cashier at the dollar store told me to have a good day. Like my purchase of shelf liner suggested any other plan.
Chicken salad with egg in it is my fave way to eat two generations.
Sometimes I think of something so wrong and inappropriate that my little black heart skips a beat with delight.
You don`t look like 200 likes in person
We should have a way of telling people their breath stinks without hurting their feelings like: “Well I’m bored, let’s go brush our teeth.”
What flickering lights mean: 1% electrical problems. 99% demons.
Your shadow is a confirmation that light has traveled nearly 93 million miles unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the final few feet thanks to you
Sunday morning = lazy lay in my bed and fart under my sheets all day :)
Damn, it`s like these people have never seen anyone bring a flask to the gym before.
Your mother never saw the irony in calling you son of a bitch.
I bet attractive people think the world is a lot more polite than it really is.
I may be stupid but im also dumb! :D
I see dead people. Well technically they`re stupid people, but give me a few minutes
I`m so out of shape, Internet Explorer could probably run faster than me.
This day needs more yesterday.