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New Rule: If I hold the door open for you and you walk by without thanking me I am guaranteed at least one attempt at trying to trip you.
Don’t worry I won’t tell anyone.. and if I do, I’ll tell them not to tell anyone.
Sign: "No alcohol past this point." Translation: Bet you can`t chug this entire beer, right now.
Before criticizing my taste, remember that I like you.
The only thing worse than "the one who got away" is "the one who won`t go away."
This status is mine....I licked it.
Was at an Apple store today when I let out a really loud fart. Boy, the employee`s were so mad. Hey, Not my fault they don`t have windows!
I`m not mental, other wise the rubber duckies would have told me by now...
Jogging backwards because I`m trying to gain a little weight
You’d be amazed how often I’m wrong when people say guess what.
My walk of shame is putting back the 9 boxes of assorted cereals that my wife found in the grocery cart.
It`s amazing how tired I get from how little I do.
My friend won a trip to China. He´s out there now... trying to win a trip back.
My friend`s Jeep was broken into and she acted so surprised about it. Your car is held together by zippers! It`s as secure as my pants.
I test drove a car last month. Apparently, you`re not supposed to keep the car for a month. At least that what this cop is telling me.