Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I wash once and dry 3-4 times, depending on how much I want to delay folding my clothes.
I hate that they put "use by" dates on condoms... like I`m not under enough pressure trying to get laid already.
This post is just for you.
Was shopping when a small child riding shotgun in a shopping cart yelling "why you ain`t got no babies?"I bet my father in law paid her
After much thought and careful consideration, I`ve decided not to do a damn thing today.
I`m worried that my guardian angel is a crack head.
If you attached a bunch of watches together to make a belt it would be a waist of time.
A woman that doesn`t ask for nothing deserves everything
I spent yesterday painting some kickass flames on a car. I bet whoever owns it was stoked when they came out of the mall.
I saw my ex girlfriend broken down with two flat tires this morning which made me late for work... Nine times I drove past before she noticed me laughing at her.
Working in retail has taught me that the customer is always right. At least while they`re in earshot...
I think they put less beers in twelve packs these days.
News flash! someone just found Carmon Sandiego!
I just got pulled over by the US Border Patrol. The agent comes up to my window and says, "Papers?" I said, "Scizzors!! I win!!!." And drove off. Apparently the US Border Patrol didn`t think Paper beat Scizzors. Sore Losers!!
Black holes must be where God divided by zero.