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I`m sorry I slapped you. It`s just you seemed like you weren`t going to stop talking and I panicked.
If I treated others how I wanted to be treated, I`d be doing a ton of spontaneous sexual favors for random strangers.
STEP 1: Sign up for email newsletter STEP 2: Receive email newsletter STEP 3: Delete unread email newsletter for the rest of your life.
Is life fair? Short answer, no. Long answer, nooooooo.
Thank God you`ve updated your status to "Finished lunch" after you first posted "Going to lunch" I really couldn`t tolerate more suspense.
Have you guys seen the new documentary about white trash? I only saw the trailer.
Since they`re loud and heavily scented already, Abercrombie & Fitch stores really are the ideal spot to go fart.
A tattoo doesn’t tell you very much about a person, but where they put the tattoo does.
I can`t wait to get all liquored up, and then go door-to-door to sing some Christmas Carols when it starts to warm up in April...
I didn`t have access to Facebook for the past few hours. Finally graduated, got married, lost some weight, read 17 books and showered.
If I was stuck on a desert island with only one record, I would want it to be the record for being able to swim the farthest.
And Jesus said, those footprints on the beach where two sets become one, that`s where I unfollowed you.
I don’t just act crazy, I’ll drive you there too.
No one answers their phones anymore... If I ever get arrested, I don`t want a damn phone call, I want a facebook posting.
I like to think that people that unfriend me wake up months later regretting that irreversible and life altering decision.