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You`re the reason I wake up every morning... Just kidding, I have to goto work.
If sex is said to be the best exercise, than why are there no fitness clubs for that. Now there`s idea. . .
I don`t know why you put your boat in Sh!t Creek to begin with.
You`d think my boss would know me by now and stop asking me everyday if I`ve been drinking.
This would be a "Good Morning!" status update, but it`s not, because morning sucks.
I love nostalgia. Not sure what it means, but it reminds me of magical words from my childhood.
Don`t be sad laundry, nobody`s doing me either.
is easily distracted by shiny objects.
The weekend is just a bittersweet memory.... I won`t cry because it`s over, I`ll smile because for a few miles they believed I was the real bus driver.
Kicking a man while he’s down burns 150 calories.
likes beer. On occasion, I will even drink beer to celebrate major events such as the my birthday or the fact that that it`s Monday.
If I could turn snarky sarcasm into a paying job, I could be employed for infinity.
I just wanna find a girl who loves me for my money. That way I wouldn`t feel bad for loving her for her body.
Today has been approved by both my middle fingers.
I always look out for #1 ... unless I`m walking thru my yard, then I look out for #2