Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
What a terrible day. I`m going to drive through puddles & splash pedestrians to make myself feel better,
if there wasn´t a last minute I´d never get anything done.
Got an awesome watch for my birthday. It was waterproof, shockproof, fireproof, bulletproof, acidproof, childproof & scratchproof. I lost it already.
off to bed...evil schemes don`t dream themselves up.
There’s too much blood in my caffeine system
Please don’t take anything I say personal or too seriously. I’m just an idiot with internet access.
At the young age of 5, a bear told me that I am the only person who can prevent forest fires. Why I was chosen, I`ll never know.
When people say "To be honest...", it means that up to that point they`ve been lying.
If I was a cab driver I`d yell "ROAD TRIP" every time I got a passenger
Kid, I can take you out the same way I brought you into this world, by making it look like an accident.
Hush little laptop don`t you cry,mumma gonna find you some more wifi.
I was just thinking, which is the biggest thing I plan on accomplishing today.
Even if gas prices go down, I´m still going to siphon gas from my neighbor´s car because I like the adrenaline rush and he´s an a$$hole
If I was a Chinese millionaire I would change my name to Cha Ching.
I`m gonna just take a quick nap before I go to bed.