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I`ll act my age when I`m 69..
The more you know. Daylight Savings started back in 1964 when Jerry Daylight Savings was an hour late for work & convinced his boss all the clocks were wrong.
Sometimes I like to play God and just ignore everyone when they talk to me.
A computer losing its internet access is the equivalent of a car running out of gas, both become useless.
I`m a bad multitasker and even a questionable monotasker
Looking back at old text messages and Facebook messages and being like "What the hell was I thinking when I said that."
Still no news on the royal baby. One will assume its being delivered by Royal Mail
Is snaxting a thing? Texting each other pics of your snacks? Cause I feel like Iād be pretty good at that.
is wondering where noah kept woodpeckers on his ark
I wish I was a jedi, but mostly just so I didn`t have to bend over to pick up dog poop.
I need to find a job where I am paid solely on how awesome I am.
Efficiency: skip your morning, wake up in the afternoon.
I really don`t get Astrology but I just hope my daughter stays a Virgo until she`s at least 18.
Truthfully, I`d like you all a whole lot better if you were bacon.
That time Homer`s arms were stuck in a vending machine until he realized he could just let go is basically what all of life is like