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What is it about paper towels that makes me always want to use more than one?
I want my next girl to be crazy but more "Lets have sex in public" crazy rather than "I throw hot coffee in your face" crazy.
Attention idiots: as you continue to read something clearly addressed to idiots. Idiot.
"Who`s this clown?" - every guy about every other guy who is in a photo with a girl we like
When I drink alcohol.. everyone says I`m an alcoholic. But.. When I drink Fanta.. no one says I`m fantastic.
My Living Will says it`s okay to pull the plug on me, but I`d like them to at least try jiggling it a few times first.
Mashed potatoes really beg the question: “what else could we massively improve by squashing the hell out of it?”
If I`ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it’s that everyone speaks English after they die.
If cats could talk, they`d probably always be correcting your grammar.
1. OMG will this ever end? 2. OMG will this ever end? 3. OMG will this ever end? - top 3 things on my mind when I`m in a conversation
I`m surprised kids haven`t found a way to trick or treat online yet
Stop calling them rednecks. The term is NASCAR-Americans. Y`all.
It`s such a beautiful day I had to open the window while I watched TV
Jail is just the government`s way of sending you to your room.
If 3 people have sex, it`s called a 3-some. If 2 people have sex, it`s called a 2-some. I guess we now know why they call you HAND-some.