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Vegetables are a must on my diet. I am eating Carrot cake, Zucchini bread and Pumpkin pie.
Not to brag, but I`m pretty good in bed. I don`t snore or steal covers, and I only pee if something startles me.
I don`t know what I would do without you, but I bet it`s awesome.
I just caught my husband smiling in his sleep. He`s going to pay for that later.
It`s weird how after they couldn`t put Humpty Dumpty back together the King`s men were like "Let`s give the horses a shot at it"
Auctioneers are proof white guys could rap if they tried hard enough.
If I could have anything in the world it would be to have the same finger prints as my enemy
Netflix is a lot like facebook in the way I just waste time scrolling and scoffing at things.
I was just thinking, which is the biggest thing I plan on accomplishing today.
I just ate a Cheeto that melted perfectly in my mouth! It was Awesome! ....Until I realised that was the highlight of my day.
I have found my sleep number and it is eleven, eleven beers.
I`m not saying my wife`s voice is annoying, but right now I`m really jealous of deaf people.
What idiot called him Alexander Graham Bell instead of Lord of the Rings
Her profile said she was a stone cold freak. Turns out she was just a wrestling fan with bad capitalization skills. :(
Apparently the ``All you can eat buffet`` isn`t a challenge ...