Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Note to self: It`s time to grow up, be responsible, and act like an adult. Self to Note: Shut the f*ck up.
Today is different because after you lie to someone, you tell them you were lying.
I`ve just borrowed a book on surgery from my local library. Apparently someone`s taken the appendix out.
No one is more confident than a drunk girl wearing a guy’s hat sideways.
I really love it when a hot girl winks at me with both eyes.
It`s never your successful friends posting the inspirational quotes.
Forecast for today: Unproductive with a chance of a late drinking session.
Mom: How are your grades this semester? Me:.... Mom:.... Me: Mother what`s important is that we have our health
My wife gives me sound advice. 99% sound. 1% advice.
Ever wondered why there is a stairway to heaven, and a highway to hell? There´s apparently more traffic going to hell!!
Pro tip for picking up girls - keep your back straight and lift with your knees.
I have no idea how I use to get around in the dark before I had a cell phone.
"Better to be pissed off than pissed on!" Actually, I prefer a third scenario where I`m not angry or covered in piss.
I stopped watching the History Channel because it`s so outdated.
I`m trying to lose weight by eating carrots and bran muffins. It`s a fiber-optics diet.