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I don’t just say crazy things on the internet, I do that in real life too.
Must be my day for Mis-Advertizing --- I just ate a Bowl of Cheerios ----- and they DIDN`T make me Happy!!!! FML!!! :-P
Once I made a belt out of watches. It was a waist of time.
Blessed are they who can just read it and move on.
Perhaps we should hold elections on the last Friday of November, with polling stations at Walmart, Target and Apple
If you can read this please let me know – because it means I blocked the wrong person.
If you lift up the handle on the car door at the same time I`m trying to unlock it more than two times, I`m driving off without you.
Fire at will! Oh, it`s you, Bob! Fire at Bob!"
Hey whiny kids with iPhones: when I was your age, I played with a stick.
I need to start eating more healthy, but first I need to eat all the junk food in the house so it’s not there to tempt me anymore.
Key to a Happy Life: Get a job where people ask, “You actually get paid for doing this?”
Who says I can`t relate to today`s youth? I overheard a teenager saying he loved "riding on E" and I was like "I totally get it, gas is so damn expensive".
Beer never asks me if I think another beer is prettier than it.
The Family Reunion went pretty good until they all figured out that I wasn`t related to any of them
A movie ticket for a baby should cost at least $50.