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I am trying my very best to get into the holiday spirit but I cant open the damn bottle.
So, I bought a wok to cook healthy food and I have to say, these french fries don`t taste any different.
I`ve single handedly defeated my erection.
You know you`re single when the only calls you get at night are Nature`s.
When people start praying before a meal, I close my eyes and imagine how far I could throw a potato if I really put my heart into it.
Looking back.. I think I preferred you when I didn`t know you...
Car horns were invented 1% for safety and 99% because people get pissed off sometimes and need to let a mofo know.
I always advise people never to give advice.
If you`re in your car, go ahead and pick your nose, because the car makes you invisible.
If it’s the thought that counts, then I should probably be in jail…
If a single teacher can’t teach all the subjects then how could you expect a single student to learn all subjects.
I`ve probably spent a solid year of my life just staring into the refrigerator
Settle down homemade play dough parents.
One of my female friend is reading a book called "Learn to drive in a week" for the last 3 years.
2015 and I still can`t believe it`s not butter!