Daily Silly Status

Diet goal: I want to lose just enough so that my hand will fit comfortably in a Pringles can...

Tonight`s good mood is sponsored by ... Beer!!

I love my six-pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat.

Sometimes I whisper, "I´m on your side" to the computers, just in case they ever succeed in taking over the world.

If I suddenly had the ability to teleport, I’d spend an entire day popping up naked in front of people and asking for John Connor.

Was going to watch the presidential inauguration today, but found something more interesting on a different channel. Watched "How cow farts affect the ozone layer" on The Science channel.

Start each day with a positive thought like, "I can go back to bed in about 17 short hours."

I`m painting a blue square in my garden, so that Google Earth thinks I have a pool.

Facebook made billions by saying “Hey, remember that kid you haven’t seen since the third grade? He’s a parent who hates Obama now.”

I`m always amazed that when tragedy strikes how quickly people on Facebook become experts on the subject no matter what it is.

I always clench up before I drive into a tunnel because I`m afraid Wile E. Coyote might have just drawn it on there.

I hate it when people upload song lyrics as their status`s it reminds me of somebody i used to know

Mornings are the best when they start in the afternoon.

Never go on a blind date with a friend! She was so big when i took her home she went to my backyard and started grazing.

Fun Fact: Over 97.8% of men have already made mistakes this year that a woman will remind him about for the rest of his days.