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My favorite outdoor activity is going back inside.
It has been brought to my attention that those stick figure decals on vehicles are not "kill" scores, but actually suppose to represent members of the family. I will be removing all my decals to avoid any further confusion.
Given enough coffee, I could rule the world.
I`ll be thankful when this thankful month is over.
If you don`t boo at people after bad sex, how do you expect to motivate them to get better?
People with 1 syllable names ruin the happy birthday song
Honestly, my biggest fear about becoming a zombie in the apocalypse is all the walking.
A moment of silence to all the kids who can’t wait to become a teenager because they think it’s fun..
is bored of being bored because being bored is boring.
Drunk me would really appreciate a light switch on the floor.
Monday: A terrible way to spend 1/7 of your life.
Statistically: 1 in 7 dwarfs are grumpy
Talking bout planets with my 8 yr old. He asked if you can just plow thru Uranus because it`s all gas. I cannot respond maturely.
I was trying to think of something really deep to post on Facebook this morning. The Mariana Trench comes to mind.
Dear wind, what has my hair ever done to you?