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Show me in the employee handbook where it says I have to like you. Go on, I`ll wait.
Just want to apologize to all the unlucky men that have had to deal with my ex because I dumped her.
That moment you realize that the person who proofread Hitler`s speeches was indeed a Grammar Nazi.
does anyone know if smurfs are gluten free
If you use the word "gay" to desrcribe something that is "merry or happy" then you`re gay.
That moment when you wake up at 2 o`clock a.m and remember how crappy that after earth movie was and you go back to sleep immediately
My mom says I`m special.
You know it´s cold outside when during rush hour you get the mitten instead of the finger.
If I had three wishes, I`d use one for boobs. Because I`m pretty sure I could get everything else that I wanted if I had boobs.
This year rather than candy for your valentine why not liquor instead.
I could be a morning person....if morning happened around noon.
Sometimes, the light at the end of the tunnel is just a lost guy with a flashlight.
I`d stop disappointing you, if you stopped expecting me to do stuff.
There are two key elements to success. 1) Never tell anyone everything you know.
You know that look women get when they want sex ? ..........me neither.