Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
"Haha" - me when I don`t understand the reference
You don`t see faith healers working in hospitals, just like you don`t see psychics winning the lottery every week.
Any question is a hard hitting question when it`s written on a brick and thrown full force at your face.
The only correct answer to "Are you ticklish?" is "I will kill you."
If I was a funeral director, I would tie the shoe laces together of the deceased.Then the zombie apocalypse would be hilarious.
Imagine how much faster Olympic sprinters could run if they saw their wives going through their phones at the finish line
I`m glad the guy who came up with "No means no" didn`t do the whole dictionary
Asking a guy, "Are you done with that?" & pointing to his girlfriend, is frowned upon. Apparently.
Time flies when you`re throwing watches.
Unless you tripped and smacked your face on the treadmill, no one wants to hear about your workout.
When I say lol, I don`t literally mean I laughed out loud. What I actually mean is that I made a loud outward breath through my nose, similar to a bull.
To Do: Figure out how to get paid to travel the world and eat.
Pretty sure I know what my wife`s getting me for my birthday cause when I guessed, "A 3-way?" she got all angry like I ruined the surprise.
Just sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellant. Now, he’ll never have any friends.
*Baby on board* Oh really? Thanks for letting me know, I was about to ram into your car, but now I won’t.