Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Anyone who believes that children are our future has not been to a mall recently.
Spoiler alert: this milk expired five days ago
I saw a piece of chewing gum in the urinal today and thought, boy that must have been really painful.
There`s no b, c, d, f, g, h, j, k, l, n, o, p, q, r, s, u, v, w, x, y, or z in team either.
When you put ‘aspiring’ in front of your chosen profession. What I hear is: I’m unemployed.
Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it`s wide use three fingers, make sure it`s wet and rub up and down. Yep that`s how you wash a cup.
I think today I`ll stalk my stalker, just to shake things up a little.
A mouse trap, placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep.
This stupid lady is taking forever using her damn coupons for her groceries. All these rolls of pennies are heavy! Hurry up!
So impolite of people to sneak up on you while you’re talking sh!t about them.
If the best things in life really are free, why am I still getting charged at the liquor store? I call bullshit
Defies physics: I eat half a pound of food, `purge` 1 pound of it, and then gain five pounds because of it-- WTF?
Know what? If they had Neosporin back in 1931, that nasty scar on Frankenstein`s forehead would have been far less noticeable.
I`m not ignoring your calls, I just love my ringtone.
For the past 3 years I have been planning to write an article on Procrastination!!!