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When a woman says "what?" its not because she didn`t hear you. She`s giving you a chance to change what you just said.
Shouldn`t there have been one scene in The Karate Kid where Daniel`s mom was like "Why are you constantly in that old man`s shed?"
Drinking coffee in the afternoon is like eating the mushroom that makes you big in Super Mario.
I can`t wait to procrastinate.
I always close my eyes when I kiss a woman. Experience tells me that if my eyes are open, I get a lot more pepper spray in them.
with great power...comes great electric bill...
Im not sure Im comfortable with the fact that there is now a bunch of people in white coats furiously scribbling notes behind a big glass window while im talking to my therapist. Im suppose to just "ignore" them.
Life gets expensive when you trust a cute woman.
Sometimes when I`m bored, I pick out a girl from my list of FB friends that I`ve never actually met and then go back on her timeline and like every single post she made in like 2009......That should freak her out a bit...
There are no limits to what you can accomplish when you’re supposed to be doing something else.
In hell you`re always trying to spread butter that`s too cold.
Meanwhile on Facebook someone has made a casserole
Birds do it. Bees do it. Heck, even fleas do it. Let`s do it! Let`s live in a homeless man`s beard!
Guess it`s time to get to the part of the day I hate... the part which requires pants.
Occasionally, I like to take a look through my old status updates and smile at my sparkling wit.