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I`m always tempted to yell "Kevin!" mid-flight.
It`s never your successful friends posting the inspirational quotes.
Selfie... Because it`s important to realize that it`s not the photographer who is making you look ugly.
The easiest way to keep a secret is without help
Marriage is something you should pay for and divorce should be free. You might think twice before buying into it.
If I had a dollar for everytime I was distracted, look squirrel!
I bet genies were a real thing until one jerk wished for genies not to exist anymore.
Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but doesn’t get you anywhere.
Driving to work would be so much better if I didn’t always end up at work.
A high-pressure hose will usually stop a coworker from showing you any more baby photos.
Claustrophobia is the fear of closed spaces. For example: I am going to the liquor store and I`m scared that it`s closed.
Good neighbors do not put password on their wi-fi.
My New Years Eve = Hangover 4
Day 10: I am thankful there are only 20 days left for all my friends to be thankful about how awesome their lives are.
"My place is a mess" - Every girl, ever.... "Well in that case, I`m not coming in" - No guy, ever.