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Aging is inevitable, Maturing is optional.
Every woman is beautiful in her own unique way. Sometimes it just takes the right amount of alcohol to see it.
If you see me drinking coffee from a to-go cup in public after 3 pm, that coffee is booze in disguise.
Tomorrow, history will be made. Months and months of advertisements and anticipation has led up to this historic day. America will see firsthand what is surely to be a historic event, and I am proud to say I will do my part and pick up my copy of Halo 4.
The funniest thing about this Facebook status is by the time you realize it doesn`t say anything important, it`s to late for you to stop reading it ... sucker
Two things I am thankful for: 1: Family and friends. 2: Caller ID, so I can avoid certain family and friends
Things I do everyday: 1.Get up 2.Survive 3.Go back to bed
Last person to like this wins a prize.
If you don`t like the way I drive then get off the hood of my car.
A newly wed guy asked me about marriage. I told him it`s sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can`t really touch anything.
My mind is like "LETS DO THIS SH!T" but my body is like "calm down motherf*cker"
Letting my dad play Angry Birds on my iPad is like showing a caveman fire.
I`m disgusted by the thought of people updating their status while sitting on the toilet like I am right now.
When I see someone yawn, I yawn. I wish it was the same with exercising....
I`m honest, so when I say I took a "cat nap" that means that I slept for 18 hours and then pissed on your favorite shirt after I woke up.