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That urge you get to write, "No one cares" on someone`s status.
My iPhone autocorrected "wish you were here" to "wish you were beer" ... I sent it anyways.
Weird when someone vanishes from your Facebook feed for 3 years then suddenly reemerges with the results of a "Which Muppet Are You?" quiz.
“It would take too long to explain…” Translated: “I have no idea how it works.”
The Easter Bunny doesn`t always drink, but when he does I bet it`s hopscotch.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it´s still on the list.
Sometimes I`ll catch my reflection in a mirror and I`ll be like, "oh no, that can`t be right."
I don’t understand why I cant lose weight. I thought dieting was a piece of cake.
Happy Monday!! I`m gonna sit this one out.
I wonder whether I can trust doctors with dead plants in the waiting room.
It’s too bad that it’s easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
Welcome to my bedroom,this is where the magic happens.....and by that I mean this is where I read my Harry Potter books.
Nobody looks back at their life and remembers the nights they got plenty of sleep.
U have 10 fish, 5 drown, 3 come back to life. how many fish do you have?? stop counting smart one fish can`t drown
I`m just like you ... Only smarter and better looking.