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I FINALLY "friended" my girlfriend on Facebook.. You know.. So I could get updates on our relationship status.. :|
If you`re one in a million, there are more than 7,000 of you.
This girl next to me in class has a piece of tape over her laptop webcam. This can only mean she’s made some serious mistakes in her past…
In my defense, it was a fantastic idea at 3am...
My friend told me that bigamy was having one wife to many. I thought that was called monogamy.
Is it wrong to swallow my multi-vitamin with a beer?
Sometimes I have to tell myself, "It`s not worth the jail time!"
Be thankful your GPS doesn`t get PMS: “Fine! Turn whichever way you want! You never listen to me anyway!”
Worried that you may have a stalker? Shut up and just be happy someone likes you.
They said I couldn`t drink or operate machinery on my medication. But here I am…Driving a forklift…Sipping a beer…Lifting up my boss`s car…
I bet Bruce Wayne sometimes accidentally signs his credit card receipts “Batman” when he’s drunk. I know I do.
I DON`T HATE YOU,I`M JUST NOT NECESSARILY EXCITED ABOUT YOUR EXISTENCE!
I may have no one rocking my world right now, but I have no one ruining it either!
People in glass houses can throw whatever they want. They live in a glass house, I`m not expecting them to be practical
What`s this g-mail? I just got used to e-mail. And why did they skip f-mail?