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If I meet you for a date and you don`t look anything like your pic, you`re buying drinks for me until you do.
This Donut-Scented Car Air Freshener will more than pay for itself next time I get pulled over.
The real trouble with reality is that there´s no background music
Whoever has my voodoo doll, please scratch between my butt cheeks..I`m in public.
Someone once said that I should always treat other people how I would like to be treated. Now I`m facing sexual harassment charges.
Ever wonder if the McDonalds logo is the letter "m" or just an image of your butt cheeks it will cause?
I know the voices aren`t real but they have some great ideas.
The Push Up ice cream company should just buy out Pringles and make all of our lives easier.
When I was younger I thought I was bipolar. Turns out I was just an a$$hole who was happy about it.
The hardest question of the weekend.. can or bottle?
Apparently members of the Westboro Baptist Church were outside a theater when the marquee gave way and came crashing down injuring several of them amidst their protest. Witnesses overhead many of the members muttering to themselves, "It must be a sign."
Whenever I meet a new girl, I introduce myself by shaking hands with my left hand. I don’t want her to meet her competition right away.
Don`t be upset that you`re single; be happy that someone isn`t ruining your life.
My wife told me to strive for perfection, so I divorced her and started dating a swimsuit model.
I`m smiling ... You should be scared.