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Redneck word of the day: Twerk "Imma have one more beer then imma get back twerk!"
Always have a goal. Example: Turn as much alcohol into urine as you can.
Why is it that people who drink energy drinks seem like the people with the least amount of stuff going on?
Iām supporting our troops today by going commando.
Don`t feel bad, alot of people don`t have talent either
If your neighbor has wind chimes, you have wind chimes.
Just found out my birthday is the same day I was born... Life is crazy...
Every Facebook photo album could be titled either "Envy Me!" or "Pity Me!"
Fact: No one has ever "Jumped in the shower."
Horse racing is like NASCAR only slower and with poop.
For your final meal request to eat the electric chair and then the warden will be like well now what do we do he ate our electric chair
Family and Friends - I am FAR too busy to listen to any of your problems or concerns *Googles do penguins go to heaven?*
The only rule of the Chess Club is to hide from the Fight Club.
New diet plan: murder all the skinny people.
Never go on a blind date with a friend! She was so big when i took her home she went to my backyard and started grazing.