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I just found out people are playing golf online. And I thought my life sucked!
Lady`s if you want guys to look at your face instead of your chest ... eat a banana.
Music that is meant to be played at a reasonable volume is completely pointless.
I went to see a psychiatrist today. He told me I had a split personality and charged me $160. I gave him $80, and told him to get the rest from the other a$$hole!
7,000 people were treated in emergency rooms for injuries sustained from fireworks. Don’t be a statistic, let your friend light the fuse
You’d think that with as much time as women spend looking at their ass in the mirror they would be able to reverse into a parking spot.
I`d say that 6:30 is the best clock time, hands down.
My brother didnt take kindly to jail. He refused food & drink, and smeared feces on the walls. That`s the last time we`re playing Monopoly.
Having a bit of a lazy day! I`m sitting in my underwear looking for better jobs online ... My boss doesn`t look amused.
Jellyfish have survived here on Earth for 650 million years without brains. Great news for stupid people.
On the 12th day of Christmas my FB gave to me- 12 dudes I`m blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny topics, 9 busted Barbies, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites, fiiiivvvvee drama queeeennss, 4 game requests, 3 photo tags, 2 friends a-pokin and a creep who wont stop Inboxing meee... ;)
North Korea no!, really, go home! now you are really drunk!
If a man says you`re ugly, he`s being mean. If a woman says you`re ugly, she`s jealous. If a little kid says you`re ugly, then you`re ugly.
Why can’t we all just get a Long Island Iced Tea?
It`s not my official job but basically all I do is piss people off.