Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Some people should be very grateful I don`t have mob connections.
I thought I was on the cash cab show! But turns out I was in a police car and cops hate trivia.
One time I snuck a whole rotisserie chicken into a movie, cause candy is for amateurs.
I have lots of great personality traits. Or as my doctor calls them, symptoms.
Women have closets full of `I have nothing to wear.`
Life Rule #17: Always hold out your hand when someone is counting money in front of you, ...just incase.
More celebrities should donate blood. I mean, imagine having the blood of Will Smith running through your veins.
Is it bad when I´m talking to myself and I´m not even listening?
Paintball is much more fun when the other people at Walmart don’t know we are playing.
They say a dog can retrieve a tennis ball from over a mile away. Seems a bit far fetched to me.
I`ll never understand women. They hate when you ask their age, but get mad if you forget their birthday.
I`m thinking about remodeling my bathroom and thanks to all your selfies I`m getting some great ideas!!.....
Just tried to kill a snake in the backyard. And by kill I mean screaming as loudly as a human can in an attempt to make its head explode.
Being in hot water isn`t so bad if you throw in some bubbles and a glass of champagne.
If you read my entire Facebook timeline from the beginning, you can witness my descent into madness