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I`m pretty sure all dogs can smell drugs. It`s just that most of them aren`t snitches.
You will never find the right person if you do not let go of the wrong one. Call me!
I hate it when I put on my apple bottom jeans and cannot find my boots with da fur!!
Why is it when you go to get your drivers license photo, they tell you to smile. Your not smiling when the police pull you over.
Why can’t the shower just naturally keep itself clean?
Something I will never understand: Why it’s acceptable for people to be idiots but not acceptable for me to point it out.
"Friendzoned" should be a relationship status on Facebook.
We have GPS that can navigate you across the country. Why can`t someone invent a device that can remind you why you went into a room?
Kid, I can take you out the same way I brought you into this world, by making it look like an accident.
Not to brag, but I’m pretty good in bed. I don’t snore or steal covers, and I only pee if something startles me.
I don`t think I can call myself an adult until I can accept the fact that "dry clean only" is not a dare.
Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.
Man I love watching women`s curling in the Olympics. It`s the only time I get to drink beer while cheering on women sweeping and no one slaps me.
In your face with a can of mace, make you cry all over the place!!
My Son: The marriage vows say "tell death do us part", so we are not married in heaven ? Me: That`s right son, cause if we were still married, we`d be in hell.