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A wise man, will often say nothing
Only in math problems you can buy 60 watermelons and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.
Unless its inappropriately, don`t f*cking touch me.
I watched my first silent movie the other day. The kids weren`t there.
Slow dancing with a fat girl? More like moving a fridge by yourself.
Nothing is more discouraging that unappreciated sarcasm.
Nobody texts faster than a pissed off female.
I would lose weight, but I hate losing..
Idiots are fun, no wonder every village wants one.
Serious question: Are doctors sure erectile dysfunction isn`t just a side effect of being married & bangin the same woman for years & years?
To calculate the average number of times a guy has sex per week, multiply the number of fantasy football leagues he`s in by the number zero.
Life hack: If you keep your mouth shut, no one will know you`re so stupid
I`d like to share my innermost thoughts and feelings with all of you, but I`m afraid they`ll be used against me in a court of law someday.
Going to Colorado this weekend to go ... "Hiking"
Of all the possible utensils that could have been invented to eat rice with... How did 2 sticks win out!?