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Drunk is when you feel sophisticated but can’t pronounce it.
No, I would not like to know what fruit my body is shaped like.
169 is still a sex position, but with a creepy guy watching.
Went to the virgin islands, now they are just the islands.
that song on your iPod that you always skip but never delete.
The only person whom a woman listens carefully & follows sincerely & does exactly as he says is a photographer
My husband woke up this morning with a HUGE smile on his face. I love Sharpie markers.
I wonder if people that live in Hawaii have screensavers of bumper to bumper traffic?
If you are going to call the cops every time you spot me in your bushes I don`t think this relationship is going to work.
Sorry I said "at least it`s healthy" when you asked me how cute your baby was.
Not only am I a master of suspense, but I...
Every time I lose some weight, I find it again in the refrigerator.
The difference between pizza and your opinion is that I asked for pizza…
If Facebook has taught us anything, it`s that a lot of people are not quite ready for a Spelling Bee.
The Drug Store cashier asked me how im doing as I put some diarrhea medicine on the counter. "Not great man, I`ve got diarrhea" I told him.