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People say, “You have to work on a marriage.” I say, “No thank you. I already have a job
I worry about what my rubber ducky thinks about me when I`m naked 0.0
Has anyone donated any money to ALS? All these ice bucket challenges I been seeing makes me think ... you all some cheap bastards
You know nothing about a woman, until she is drunk and mad at you.
FB friends, no one gives a ratsass what concerts you went to...
Relax… We’re all crazy.. It’s not a competition.
Sometimes I get shivers in my spine just thinking about how much tougher Popeye would`ve been if he`d eaten fresh spinach instead of canned.
If I had a dollar for everytime I was distracted, look squirrel!
I fake my LOLs
Sometimes Google should just come back with an answer that says, `Trust me, you don`t want to know.`
Wife: Hi honey, did you miss me? Husband: With every bullet so far...
Happy Monday!! I`m gonna sit this one out.
“Hey baby, do you smell that?” “No.” “Me neither, start cooking.”
Arguing with people in the comments section is like crack for me. I don`t do it.
Male camel toe? Dude that`s just nuts.