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“I don’t watch tv” proudly says a person who spend 8 hours a day on the internet.
On the bright side, I`m relieved we live in a society where we acknowledge that the people who make sandwiches are artists.
I really need a day between Saturday and Sunday.
I really need to clean the house, but I`m thinking it`d be a lot faster to burn it down and start from scratch...
I wonder if they let me grow cannabis on Farmville, I`ll be able to sell it on Mafia Wars?
For all we know, half the birds are telling the other birds to shut up.
Wow, I haven`t seen you since the last time I wish I hadn`t seen you
No magician can do a trick that impresses me as much as that ‘take off my bra and make it appear out of my sleeve’ thing that girls do.
My wife told me to get a real job or pack my bags! She must be losing it! Who threatens someone with a vacation?
I´m not insensitive, I just don´t care.
I did a push-up today. Well, actually I fell down, but had to use my arms to get back up, so close enough. Now I need a beer.
Stealing other people`s statuses on Facebook is called a Facelift.
Every time I see an obese cop, a small part of me hopes he has to chase me.
A 5 year old asked me what marriage is like. So I gave him a chocolate bar and told him not to eat it.
Sorry I hung up on you, I didn`t mean to answer the call.