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McDonald’s steps 1) Get really excited about it 2) Eat it 3) Regret eating it 4) Wish you were dead 5) Repeat in a few months
At hotels, you can either take a helicopter tour of the city or drink the bottle of water on the table. They cost the same.
Do you know what sexual position produces the ugliest children? ... Go ask your mother.
Four out of five voices in my head are saying this is gonna´ be a great day.
So far my Christmas shopping has involved buying myself presents, so I`d say it`s been a success.
Cool things about being a turtle: 1. Born with a free house attached to you 2. Super chill 3. Could potentially mutate into a ninja
On your birthday I think the Airlines should let you exit the plane on the inflatable slide.
Am I getting older or is the supermarket starting to play some great songs?
If anybody out there happens to have my voodoo doll, can u please scratch my balls. I happe to be in a public place at the moment.
Love is... saving money to buy her shoes!
Good for you, people that do things.
I never let anyone see me eat junk food. Not because I`m afraid they will judge me. I just don`t want to share.
Chip clips are for quitters.
I like my coffee like I like my men: caffeinated, made of beans, muscular, tousled hair, you know what, I don`t really know how to do this..
I`m the kind of friend who will help you hide a dead body, but if you betray me, just remember: I KNOW HOW TO HIDE A DEAD BODY