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We should bury everyone upside down so if they come back as zombies they’ll dig the wrong way.
Once I made a belt out of watches. It was a waist of time.
I`m not saying you`re a slut but you`re dirtier than my browser history.
DO NOT LIKE THIS… Unless you’re a sexy beast.
I`ve seen more pins in the last few days then stone cold steve austin on groundhog day..
I`m just a man standing in front of a woman, who is standing in front of another man who is in front of another woman in line at Taco Bell.
My Girlfriend wanted a cat. I didn`t want a cat. So we compromised and we got a cat...
I like dating chicks with kids, because fruity snacks
Fitness nuts have to do an entire marathon to feel a runner`s high..... I just have to bend over and tie my shoes.
What do you mean I should be more productive? Do you think this cocktail made itself?
The only hunger games i care about involve plastic hippos.
I wish all videos of people twerking ended with them catching on fire.
I`m doing a charity gig tonight for people who struggle to achieve orgasm. Don`t worry if you can`t come
Two things that most people want. 1. Lose weight 2. Eat
Not a day goes by when I don`t try to use The Force.