Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Did you ever notice that the doctor’s bill is always a lot more readable than the doctor’s prescription?
It`s okay, Web MD. I don`t really know what`s wrong with me either.
My RSVP : I`ll be attending your wedding alone but consuming enough cake and alcohol for at least two.
I love hearing rumors about me...that`s how I find out what I`ve been doing.
So in between the 4 seconds that I missed your call and managed to call ya back, you`ve fallen off the face of the earth?
Never say "piece of cake!" to me. Unless there is, indeed, a piece of cake involved.
I realized I eat too much fast food so I decided I would start cooking for myself. Does anyone here know how to "mcnugget" a chicken?
If you can’t face it, moon it.
Hey I just met you, and this is crazy. But add me on Facebook and I`ll stalk you (maybe)
Sometimes I write "This is a hold up. I have a gun." in the memo of the checks I write for people and pray they cash them at the teller.
I’m always in a rush to get home so I can do absolutely nothing.
I think it’s funny when dogs hide under the bed when they’re scared. I’m like “you idiot, that’s the first place monsters go!
My mother is my travel agent for guilt trips.
Back before Walmart, you used to have to buy a ticket to see a bearded woman.
This bottle of beer is not only delicious,,,, It also contains almost 10% of my daily requirement of beer...