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I never know the proper etiquette with the pizza delivery guy. Do I kiss him before or after paying him?
Age sure does change your perspective. Lots of things I hated when I was a kid I love now... like having nothing to do, going to bed early, watching the news, spankings.... stuff like that.
Growing up is when you go from using drugs for fun to using drugs for survival.
"It`s cold!", "Happy birthday!", "I`m so blessed", "Political rant!"... There, now you don`t have to go to Facebook today. You`re welcome.
I do take my job seriously; To make sure there are no day old donuts at the local coffees shop.
I like how Sesame Street just casually has a vampire hanging around.
Checked my bank balance at the ATM and was happy to see I had 707 dollars in it until I realized I was holding the receipt upside down and it said LOL instead.
I love asking kids what they want to be when they grow because I`m still looking for ideas
“Screw it” – My final thought before making most decisions.
Within 2 minutes, I can gather enough things to allow me to sit and watch tv without getting up for at least 4 hours... Don`t question my laziness
The more I know, the more I forget! The more I forget the less I know! The less I know, the less I forget! The less I forget, the more I know!!!
If someone threw a rock and knocked me off my donkey, would I be stoned off my a$$?
If you can read this please let me know - because it means I blocked the wrong person.
I just went dumpster diving.. and hit the mother load. Tons of dude gear and tools! It smelled of angry white woman.
How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it.