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Hi Iām a spider & I can make your girlfriend scream louder than you can.
Stress balls work really well when you shove them down someone`s throat.
People that chew gum and drink alcohol what the f*ck is wrong with you.
I wonder if the clouds ever look down on us and say "Hey look! ...that one`s shaped like an idiot!"?
Another day, another chance to make someone say, "Oh, now that`s just WRONG"...
I feel like water solves all problems. Wanna lose weight? drink water .. clear face ? Drink water.. Tired of your better half? Drown them
People who talk to themselves tend to be better lovers. Did you know that? Yes, I did know that. Thank you for asking.
Since It`s summer here`s a little advice, best way to beat the heat is to wear a San Antonio Spurs jersey
I`m often a little confused when people call me insane because, to be honest, I`m still just warming up.
Ever look in a mirror wondering about the stranger staring back & then realize it`s your neighbor`s window and they`re calling the cops?
Claustrophobia is the fear of closed spaces. For example: I am going to the liquor store and I`m scared that it`s closed.
New rule: If I hold the door open for you and you walk by without thanking me I`m guaranteed at least one attempt on trying to trip you.
on a scale of 1-10 how honest are you? I would say 10 but then i would be lying!
I purposely cry while cutting carrots so onions don`t think they`re ugly or something.
Do girls that make duck faces in pictures walk in a V formation at the mall?