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When I hear a person say "My Mom didn`t raise no dummy", I feel like saying "She lied to you"
Best pickup line : wanna get pizza?
If I ran my legs as much as I did my mouth, I`d be in fantastic shape.
I`ve been told that I can be condescending... that means that I tend to talk down to people.
Until today, I thought American Horror Story was a book about marriage.
I got pulled over for drunk driving last night... In my defense I didn`t even know I was driving.
Just think of me as the guy next door. With a telescope.
I tried my best to see things from your point a view, but your point of view is stupid.
Think big, Think smart, Think positive, Think beautiful, Think great,I know this is too much for u,so here is a shortcut-Just think about me
That awkward moment when a comment gets more “likes” than your status.
I could see how 2 deaf guys arguing would appear to be gang related.
Ever since I installed AdBlock, all the single ladies in my area seemed to have lost interest.
Whenever somebody is murdered, the 1st person the police investigae is the spouse. That should tell you all you need to know about marriage.
Disneyland. The world’s biggest people trap, built by a mouse.
The only good thing about being an alcoholic is that no one ever asks me to drive them anywhere.