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A box 5 lb. box of chocolates: $40, Valentines Day card: $3.75, not being yelled at for 35 minutes until the chocolate is gone: priceless!
Caller ID should be more detailed~ "Wants Help Moving" "Going to Whine" "Will Ask to Borrow Money"
My friends most commonly describe me as "who?"
People that chew gum and drink alcohol what the f*ck is wrong with you.
The best part of time travel will be sleeping until noon and making it to work on time at 8am.
You took the time to make your minivan look like a reindeer, but you can`t take one second to hit the turn signal an inch from your fingers?
My husband ran for 30 minutes on the treadmill. He`s told every other person on earth and I didn`t want y`all to be out of the loop.
To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes a great Subway sandwich.
Women have a lot more experience dealing with bloodstains than men. Men are convicted of murder a lot more than women. Coincidence?
You`d think that with as much time as women spend looking at their butt in the mirror they would be able to parallel park.
Procrastination is a dish best served eventually.
Chase you? ... B!tch please, I don`t even chase my liquor.
Well, just 8 more hours of Facebook and I can go back to bed. *phew*
If I was rich, I´d do nothing all day from a much nicer recliner.
I`ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.!!