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You`re the reason I wake up every morning... Just kidding, I have to goto work.
The ‘poke’ button on Facebook should be replaced with a ‘slap’ button.
Don`t ever forget.. I`m always here. A l w a y s. Scrolling. Judging. Judging. Scrolling. That`s right. I see everything.
Why do they play this music on the elevators if we`re not suppose to slow dance.
Scientists uncovered the part of the male brain responsible for pissing off women. It’s next to the part that knows how much roses cost.
I try to live by two rules: 1. Don’t make fun of stupid people (they cant help it) 2. Don’t be stupid (people will make fun of you)
Me: Dad, going to the 50cents concert. Dad: Here`s a dollar, take your sister with you.
I’m quite confident that the reason I’m single is because I didn’t forward that chain letter in 2003.
If you win a years supply of calendars, you would only win 1 calendar.
Hedgehogs would seem far less adorable if they had more relevant names like `Stabbyrabbit` or `Weaponrat`
Do these people in movies who wander off into the woods alone at night not watch movies?
Her profile said she was a stone cold freak. Turns out she was just a wrestling fan with bad capitalization skills. :(
Never go to bed angry. Stay awake and plot revenge.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody`s there to appreciate it.
If I make you breakfast in bed. A simple `Thank you.` is all I need! Not all this `How did you get in my house?` business!