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Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is an idiot.
If you think you`re bad with words, imagine the first guy to say "There there" when consoling someone
If you see me talking to myself don`t be alarmed. I`m getting expert advice.
Knowing sign language is a handy skill when it comes to identifying schizophrenics at famous people`s funerals.
Thinking about moving to Alabama just so I don’t have to scroll through all those other states when I sign up for websites.
Do crabs think we walk sideways?
Do you ever wish you had a second chance to meet someone again for the first time?
We`re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap...
My lucks so bad if I bought a cemetery people would stop dying.
i wonder if fish get thirsty .
I think it`s about time Taylor Swift wrote a song called "Maybe I`m the Problem"
if it has tits or tires sooner or later it will give you problems.
A group hug in my family means someone wants to use you as a napkin.
If we`re in a situation where I am the "voice of reason," then we are in a very very bad situation.
Are walruses just vampire manatees?