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This debt collector was just so surprised I answered my phone that they stuttered and hung-up lmao!!
Saw a midget go into a store while wearing a KKK outfit and thought... That`s a little racist.
Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance…the five stages of me hitting the snooze button in the morning
Thought cartoons were getting better. Turns out it was a news story about Justin Bieber.
It takes one slow walking person in the grocery store, to remove the illusion that I`m a nice person.
Dear American Express, can you raise my debt ceiling?? Thx, bro.
My life has a great cast, but I can’t figure out the plot.
I need to stop making things more complicated than they need to be. I`m adding that to my bucket Power Point presentation.
I don`t understand why Walmart has a problem with me bringing my dog in the store. He`s better behaved, smells better, and less likely to take a crap on the floor than 95% of the people here
A psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog’s IQ. Here’s how it works: If you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is smarter than you.
My family is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you`re gonna get but you can be sure there are gonna be some nuts in there somewhere.
If money grew on trees, Congress would actually care about the environment.
People say 60 is the new 40 but the cop who just pulled me over doesn`t agree.
the only way I know something is bad for me is if I like it
Dear life, When I asked if my day could get worse it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.