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Walmart calls them self checkouts, I call them I might not pay for some of this.
My favorite sexual position is pretty much any of them. I`m just glad to be involved.
I can`t decide what`s more embarrassing - the fact that I still live out of a suitcase, or that I`m a professional ventriloquist dummy.
I’ve already decided, if I ever go to The Price Is Right, I’m gonna “come on down” whether they call my name or not.
Slutty girls are like Walmarts, everyone makes fun of them but when you`re inside one at 4am you think, i`m glad these are here.
No one`s going to do it for you. It`s up to you, to make naps a priority in your life.
I need to get out of bed and do something so I can justify taking a nap later.
Not clicking like on this status makes your a$$ look fat.
Of course everyone deserves a 2nd chance, but I gave yours to someone else.
The best part of my divorce was how I woke up and I hadn`t done anything wrong
I`m on that “Starts tomorrow” diet.
My ex says that he will dance on my grave. I`ve now arranged to be buried at sea
The best part of being single is that you always get to be right.
The saying, "Say no to drugs" has always made me laugh. If you`re talking to drugs, it`s probably too late to say no to them.
Next time you`re down in the dumps...pick me up a spare tire!