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I will not be satisfied until I see a car with one woman sticker and twelve cat stickers.
I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible. But pissing off everyone is fun and easy.
"we can still be friend" .. is like saying "The dog died, but we can still keep him"
Your lights are on but I see someone’s been playing with your dimmer switch.
Can`t afford P90X or INSANITY workout videos? Go find a wasp nest and slap the sh!t out of it. Never knew I could shadow box,bicycle kick,and twirl while floating.
Well, if you count Elmer Fudd singing "Kill the Wabbit" then yes, I do like opera.
I don`t really work, I just kinda stand around and be awesome.
I went to a vegan restaurant once. Wait, no, that was just a florist.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
I quit my job with the Dept of Corrections. That place was like a prison...
Depresso; the feeling you get when you`ve run out of coffee.
Sometimes, I don`t know how I`m going to get through the day. Then I remember: I have beers waiting for me at home. I can do this for them
Insanity does not run in my family. It strolls through, taking it`s time and getting to know each one of us personally.
It`d be nice if the married people would leave some of the single people for the rest of the single people.
Drop it! Please, just DROP IT. - My dog, whenever I`m eating.