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Word on the street is... Lol. Jk. I don`t go outside.
If you are naughty go to your room, if you wanna be naughty go to mine :)
If I was supposed to share them, they wouldn`t be called nachos.
Next time you are in a restaurant, give this a thought. The fork you are using has been in the mouth of hundreds of people. Now look at the people eating right by you. Scary, right?
One day on Mercury lasts about 1,400 hours. Roughly the same as one Monday on earth feels.
My Ex-Wife: Our relationship is like being in prison! ME: I don’t think so. People have sex in prison.
To the untrained eye, I`m quite handsome.
It just occurred to me that you could substitute Miranda rights for wedding vows. Verbatim.
When people ask how my childhood was, I say "Pretty good, so far."
75% of my day consists of looking at the clock and not believing it
I`m just a boy...standing in front of a girl...asking her to lov.....aw who am I trying to fool. I just want in your pants.
If you’re that person that makes microwave popcorn at work, nobody likes you.
I just googled Magnum condoms and I swear I could hear Siri laughing.
If I could time-travel, forget killing baby Hitler. I`d go back to use every come back I ever thought of 10 minutes too late.
Years ago I asked out the girl of my dreams. Today I asked her to marry me ... She said no both times