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Why do medications always have side effects like `anal leakage` & `suicidal thoughts`? Why not `invisibility` or `spontaneous orgasms`?
This is a private status. Please don`t tell anyone about it.
Now it`s too hot to take down the outdoor Christmas lights.
Fellas.....the girl on the flyer is never at the club
I have 500 friends and only 499 Birthday wishes on facebook! I`ll remember that when it`s YOUR birthday #405!!!
You seem like a sweat person. Mind if I lick you to find out?
Let`s all have a moment of silence for people who can`t have a moment of silence because they have kids.
Today`s interpretive dance was brought to you by "Spider On My Shirt". Up next we have "Oh jeeze, where did it go?!"
Always finish your beer. There`s sober kids in Africa.
I can`t wait for Taylor Swift to break up with a black guy, so she can write a rap album!
When I was a kid I slept with a nightlight... to keep away monsters who were scared of small, low wattage light bulbs.
I’m sorry for what I said when I was hungry.
I don’t want to think I’m getting old or anything, but all the noises I used to make during sex, I now make getting out of bed.
"It`s not about who`s right or wrong."~ The person that is wrong
If you have time to update your status as "very busy", then you obviously exaggerated.