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People of planet Earth, thank your gods that I`m not in charge of the red button.
If I go sleep at 6 in the morning, does it mean I go to sleep early or late?
Attention fuels immaturity
Cubic Zirconium`s slogan should be: Guys can fake it too!
It`s so cold outside I just saw a teenager with his pants pulled all the way up!
My face hurts from pretending to like you.
As your best friend, I swear to always pretend to be your lesbian lover when you are getting hit on by an ulgy ass hole in a bar.
Time to get out of bed and worry from another location.
When I`m in an elevator with a stranger I generally hold their hand to let them know that they`re safe
Scratch and Sniff Here [____] …Smells like glass, doesn’t it
Pretty soon you`ll be able to get married online, instead of saying "I do" you will have to click "I agree to these terms and conditions."
Sometimes you have to flip out and go bat sh!t crazy to make a point.
Don`t expect me not to hopscotch all over your house if you have fancy tiles.
Answering your cell when you don`t recognize the number is like picking up a hitchhiker.
is giving everyone permission to steal, and use this status.