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On a scale from 0 to insane, I`m Batman!
I swear I heard my dentist whisper "yolo" as he reached for a chisel...
My cat probably thinks I`m cleaning my ice cream...
FYI: Taking permanent marker and writting Aeropostale on Fruit of the Loom tee shirts will NOT fool your teenager.
I read an actual newspaper today! For those of you who don`t understand, a newspaper is like the Internet but made of paper.
Note to self: don’t set your password reminder as “you should know this”
I realized I eat too much fast food so I decided I would start cooking for myself. Does anyone here know how to "mcnugget" a chicken?
Gyms are full of people that haven`t found the right couch.
Arguing politics is like trying to convince someone that their baby isn`t cute.
Down on yourself for being lazy? Keep in mind the Greeks believed their GODS lived atop a very hikeable mountain and no one went to check.
Before Google, I averaged 220 Snapple bottles before I found the answer.
Social media is great if you like socializing without wearing pants.
Jesus, take the wheel. Carlos, you take the stereo & I`ll take lookout.
People hiking with a giant stick never seem any better at hiking than the rest of us.
Every time I make plans to eat better I can hear my stomach laughing