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Roses are red, violets are blue. I have 5 fingers, the middle one is for you.
How come the energizer bunny beats a drum instead of doing something like working the cashier register at Wal-Mart?
HR called me in today and told me I have a bad attitude. So they`re transferring me over to IT and giving me a raise.
If you think about it,, Batman was pretty lazy about naming all his stuff.
My wife always laughs during sex – no matter what she’s reading.
What’s a drunken pirates worst nightmare? A sunken booty with no chest.
Stole a cart from this woman at Walmart today. I like to think of it as playing grand theft auto suburbs edition.
*Australian accent* Notice the wife in her natural habitat shaming the male husband species into doing what she wants!
I`m optimistic that within my lifetime it will become acceptable to wear your underwear to the supermarket.
Is it just me or does the word "retweet" bring up images of Elmer Fudd commanding an army on the defensive?
Yes, it`s a bad time. Let me call you back when I`m not feeling so honest.
I live like I type, fast and with lots of mistakes!
My girlfriend is gorgeous, selfless, graceful, highly intelligent and looking over my shoulder as I type.
Space heaters are the perfect housewarming gifts.
I think Facebook now comes under the housework category.