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When I was a kid they didn`t call it "Behavioral Disorders", They called it "Being a little brat".
Dear Mother-in-Law, Do not tell me how to handle my child, I am living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement.
Online dating is like shopping for a car online... show me the carfax!! I wanna see the history!
Parents: Where are you going at this time of the night all dressed up like a slut? Daughter: To the bathroom, I need a new Facebook picture.
Same sex marriage? Heck, I know couples who would be happy with a SOME sex marriage
One does not simply log out of their friend`s facebook account without making them gay.
Here hold my dignity, I`ve got some sketchy shit to do.
The heat index is somewhere between OMG and WTF!
Debate?.....isn`t that what you use to catch "The Fish" ?
If karma doesn`t hit you, I gladly will.
Note to Self: Wearing headphones do not make my farts silent.
A woman saying "I`m not mad at you" is like a dentist saying "You won`t feel a thing."
Imagine if someone`s name was Gurt. You`d be all "yo gurt!" .. funny? no? Ok (._.)
I hate when Iām walking into the gym and the wind blows me into the liquor store.
Why can`t we just change the spelling to fit the way it sounds: Bologna = Bolony Lasagna = lasania knife= nife tsunami = sunami politician = a$$hole