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Hendrix didn`t need to twerk on stage. He performed the old fashioned way, relying only on his musical talents and near lethal doses of LSD.
Monday is like canned spinach...I can can deal with it but I`d prefer something else.
It should be standard for wedding invitations to state if there will be an open bar or not.
Why do guys go to bars to meet women? Go to Target. There`s like 10 women to each man and they`re already there looking for things they don`t need.
My neck, my back, my Netflix and my snacks.
Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pac Man, for 25 cents that bitch would swallow balls til she died!
I really need to clean the house, but I`m thinking it`d be a lot faster to burn it down and start from scratch...
IRS: We`ve got what it takes to take what you`ve got.
Only toilet paper deals with more a$$holes than I do.
I really like that machine at the gym where you put money into it and snacks come out.
I`m sorry, I`ll be busy this weekend walking around my house with mini alcohol bottles and fun size candy bars pretending I`m a giant.
I`m going to stand outside. So if anyone asks, I am outstanding.
thinks that life was a lot simpler when I thought girls had cooties, and getting to the bottom of the sandbox was a good day.
When setting the table, does the remote go to the left or the right of the dinner plate?
I am the type to fart in a crowded train and get just as upset as everyone else.