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Adam: Eve, you read the terms and conditions before using that Apple product right? Eve: Uh yeah, totally
I don`t have a smartphone I have a phone that shows potential but doesn`t apply itself
There should be a day in between Saturday and Sunday.
I don`t know, guys. The whole "play dead when a bear attacks" thing sounds suspiciously like something the bears would come up with...
My mission is to be the first person on Facbook to have one million people on their block list. . .
I’ve always wanted to climb Mt. Everest…just not more than I don’t want to.
You know you`re poor when you sneak into Sam`s Club with some random family just to eat samples for lunch. Yay... Christmas
Sarcasm is funnier when used on people who don`t understand it.
Most of my thoughts have been coming from a very dark place lately. That`s what happens when you forget to pay your electric bill
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
I am hungry 25 hours a day
Sometimes people don`t notice or appreciate the things we do for them, until we stop doing it. They are like, “Why don’t you stalk me anymore”
Halloween really is the perfect time to get rid of all those TacoBell hot sauce packets.
Give a man a fish & he`ll be all "WTF are you giving me a fish for? That`s weird" Teach a man to fish & he`ll be all "Again with the fish?"
I think a clear conscience is really just memory loss.