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People who text back... "kk" ... Are so annoying! ....and almost racist
I love finding money in my clothes. It`s like a gift to me... from me. :)
For a guy who cant figure out how a remote works my dad sure has a lot of advice for Obama.
As I slid my finger slowly down her G string, I thought to myself "this is a nice guitar"
Old video games couldn`t be won. They just got harder and harder until you died. Just like real life.
I know exactly how a bomb technician feels when I try to open a cup of cherry mixed fruit without the juice spraying out.
If Wyle E Coyote had enough cash to buy all that ACME stuff why didn’t he just buy dinner?
At this age, I drive everything like I stole it because sometimes I forget which car is mine.
I`m undecided about which pants to wear today...Smarty of Fancy?
If a clown farts, does it smell funny?
Only awesome people are allowed to ‘LIKE’ this status!
You know you`re an alcoholic when the only Holiday cards that you get are from your neighborhood pubs.
Why can`t life be as easy as I am?
Within 2 minutes, I can gather enough things to allow me to sit and watch tv without getting up for at least 4 hours... Don`t question my laziness
I can paint the house and buy new furniture and my kids won`t notice, but, buy a new phone case...