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What`s it called when you always have a sweet tooth, but it`s only for booze?
The good thing about Facebook is if someone gets on your nerves enough, you can make them cease to exist in your world and you don`t even have to hide a body.
Yeah but why do they call him Bigfoot if both of his feet are the exact same size
I`ll take "who the f*ck would know that" for $600, Alex.
Guess what`s brown and sticky... a stick.
My GPS is basically just one more woman in my life who I turn on and then ignore.
In my experience, most arguments are caused by a misunderstanding of the fact that I`m right.
I am pretty sure dry cleaning is a scam where they just laugh and rub money on your clothes then hang them back up in a plastic bag.
Why is it when you run into a spider web, you suddenly turn into a ninja?
When I was a child, I wanted to be a surgeon. But apparently I was too young
My wife said if this gets 100 likes, we`ll try butt stuff........ * Please DON`T like,,, her strap-on is big and scary.....
If someone tells you “it’s better than sex” they’re not doing the sex right.
Mom: Clean your room. We`re having guests over for dinner. Me: I didn`t realize that dinner will be held in my room.
I swallowed an ice cube yesterday and I haven`t pooped it out yet ... Really scared now!
I do yoga to relieve stress. Just kidding. I drink wine in yoga pants.