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Not to cause a panic but i`m starting to think we`re running out of things to stuff inside pizza crust.
There’s a bald spot in my yard so I’m gonna let the grass around it grow really long and then do a comb-over.
If there are ice cream trucks in the summer, why aren’t there Starbucks pumpkin spice latte trucks in the winter?
One day you will die, but every other day you won’t. So that’s pretty great, right? ... Inspirational posts are hard.
That moment when you are having a conversation in your head and you realize you are making faces that go along with the silent conversation.
I’ve just woken up, and it appears that Earth is temporarily safe from harm & currently doesn’t need my assistance, so I’m going back to bed.
Hey ladies, you know that feeling you get when you roll over & realize you made a horrible mistake? I could give that to you every day.
Has marriage been on Mythbusters yet?
My favorite drinking game is drinking.
I hope you all have a prosperous New Year ... I may have to borrow money.
I sure do feel a lot more attractive at Walmart than I do at the gym.
If there`s one thing I`ve learnt in life it`s to stay clothed during sensitive conversations.
I’m posing nude for an art class this evening. Nobody asked me to. I think they’re making ceramic bowls.
My friend won a trip to China. He´s out there now... trying to win a trip back.
I always thought I looked like romeo, until I washed the picture off my mirror...