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I want to spend the rest of my life photo bombing the Google street view camera shots dressed as Waldo.
Her: Do I look fat? Him: Do I look stupid?...
Best thing about being single… -no drama -no fighting -no crying -no feelings -no confusion -no worries -no PROBLEMS!
Jealously is something you’re good at when you suck at everything else.
People say circumcision dosen`t hurt. I was circumcised when I was born and I couldn`t walk for nearly a year.
For parents of small children, weekends are about as relaxing as showering with cats.
Why do people say “nice to meet you” before I’ve even said anything? How do you know it’s nice to meet me? I’m a jerk.
I was told there would be kool-aid.
May all of us be as good looking/ beautiful as we look on our FB profile pic..
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
That akward moment you try and deep throat a banana and get caught ... and your a dude.
No, PornHub, I would NOT like to share this video with my friends and family on facebook.
Single Awareness Day ..... it`s a S.A.D. day
I just wanna be the reason your doctor puts you on a new medication.
Ice skating is just walking in cursive.