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Clearly the people that design refrigerators don`t know me if they think one tiny cheese drawer and two giant vegetable drawers is the way to go.
Nothing improves creativity like a lack of supervision!
Are security guards at Samsung stores called Guardians of the Galaxy?
My kids keep bugging me about dinner, even after I keep telling them I already ate.
Is it safe to take off my Winter Solstice Glasses yet?
Research shows that, when someone shouts "Oh no he didn`t!" ... He in fact did.
A boob job sounds like the best job in the world.
Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the “M” is silent.
Sometimes I let the words in my mind come out of my mouth. And it feels awesome! B)
A real man should never wave faster than he says the word “hey”
When I see a girl with too much makeup, I just want to use my finger to write "Wash Me" on her face.
What do you mean casual Friday does not mean drink wine and get drunk at work
Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza.
The Drug Store cashier asked me how im doing as I put some diarrhea medicine on the counter. "Not great man, I`ve got diarrhea" I told him.
The quality of a good neighbour is not seeing them often.