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So I´ve narrowed it down and I´m either gonna start a motorcycle gang or take a nap.
liquor stores should sell Shamwows.. I bet they would conquer any challenge alcohol can conjure up. spills.. puke.. all kinds of messes.
I bet there are muppets that have thought about shanking Elmo
I wish the media and politicians would stop jumping to delusions.
My pessimism has never failed me, but I`m sure someday it will.
I really don`t need to be loved.. I would settle for being tolerated. :)
Somehow I`m not nearly as overjoyed with this vegetable slicer as the woman on the infomercial was.
I sooo did not want to go on a run today but those cops came out of nowhere.
loves poetry, long walks and poking dead things with a stick.
Staring longingly at the door works for my dog, but I tried it at work and no one let me out. :(
You might call it ‘whipped.’ I call it `guy who’s getting laid.’
There is no logical reason why short pants should cost the same as long pants.
You`re really cute, can I suck the life out of you? - women
If life is a Bitch, then why hasn´t it made me a Sandwich
Women are like bacon: they look good, they smell good, they taste good, and they will slowly kill you