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Iām the kind of guy who dreams about naps while Iām asleep.
A box 5 lb. box of chocolates: $40, Valentines Day card: $3.75, not being yelled at for 35 minutes until the chocolate is gone: priceless!
If one of your life goals is to fight with someone about how to load a dishwasher, may I suggest marriage.
I ignored your Facebook friend request because there isn`t a "Hell no!" button.
How many Oreos is too many?...Is it 25?...I feel like it should be more than 25
I hope Breaking Bad ends with Jesse waking up from a dream in the middle of Mr. White`s chemistry class.
One of the things I like to say to a girl after we have sex for the first time is "Hmm, damn weird... I heard you were better."
The only beachfront property I`ll ever be able to afford is a sandcastle.
Being stuck in the`` friend zone`` is like an employer refusing you for a job and calling you to complain about the person he hired.
I`m starting to think that some of you are misspelling words on porpoise.
Was that lightning? ... No, they`re taking pictures for Google Earth.
"Crazy" is just another name for "Someone who knows how to have fun"
Improve your day by ordering coffee in the voice you use for your pets.
I have a confession to make... "I want to get back with my ex"...LOL Just Kidding..."I`d rather shit in my hands and clap !"
If one door closes and another one opens, seek help your house is haunted.