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Just seen a sign reading "PAY ATTENTION WHILE WALKING your Facebook status update can wait". While on Facebook on my phone. While walking...
great day! laundry done, dishes and house cleaned.... who am I kidding? been drinking since 9 am!!
Amazon’s recommendations are like that friend who heard you say “ninja” once and then got you ninja stuff for your birthday every year for twenty years
Doing some caroling! All by myself. In people`s backyards. In the bushes. Very little singing. Mostly watching. -Bfanch
I`m now at the age where if I see a nice nursing home, I make a mental note of it.
Stalking is such a strong word. I perfer the term surveillance expert.
Chapstick is an entire industry based on you losing the product and buying more.
Men think they have it bad, but they`re not the ones having to hold their boobs when they run.
My husband told me that in some cultures women do all the housework, so I told him in some cultures blow jobs don`t exist. He`s vacuuming
Government shutdown day 8: Electricity still works. Water is still running. No cool gangs to join yet. Worst apocalypse ever.
CONGRATULATIONS! You are the 13th woman he`s called "beautiful" on Facebook today.
Maybe this comment wont be important for you guys here. Some of you will ignore it, most of yall wont bother to read and it`ll go unnoticed along with some others. maybe I`ll be criticized for this but I just want to let yall know I`m selling potatoes
This strip mall certainly is misleading And I probably should put my clothes back on now.
When setting the table, does the remote go to the left or the right of the dinner plate?
There`s a pretty good chance I`ll end up being one of those senior citizens who randomly bites people...