Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
There`s nothing as wonderful as waking up in the morning next to a gorgeous smiling face. So I keep a mirror next to my bed.
Hmmmm, thats odd. . . .According to this height / weight chart. . . . I`m too short.
"It`s the little things in life that make you laugh," my mom used to say. I never understood it until I saw two midgets fighting at Walmart.
"This is the ride that killed Jimmy." - me in a long line, loudly, at amusement parks
Marriage: It`s sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can`t really touch anything.
why hello there stalker! Enjoying my profile?(=
A cool thing about being in a relationship is that when you make a mistake you get to hear about it over and over.
My favorite drinking game is drinking.
The closest I`ve come to being an athlete is using Adobe Acrobat.
I was told that I had an alcohol problem, but I think me and Captain Morgan have it figured out..
I started studying Tai Chi, so I wouldn`t recommend getting in a slow-motion fight with me...
My wife says I should use the term "make love" instead of "f*ck.". What the make love is she talking about?
I have the ability to drive people crazy. I`m not sure if I was born with it or if I learned it. But damn am I great at it.
You haven’t truly won an argument until the other person says “whatever.”
A roman walks into a bar. He holds up two fingers and says "Five beers please."