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If a man speaks at sea where no women can hear, is he still wrong?
If you’ve ever used Urban Dictionary to compose or decipher a text, congratulations, you`re over 40.
I was all "I`m not taking any sh!t from you" and she was all "to speak to a member of our customer service team, press 1".
Whenever I hear the phrase `anything is possible`, I giggle and think about someone trying to slam a revolving door :)
I believe in equality. If we have five days of work, then we should have five day weekends as well.
I didn`t get your text (phrase) - I got your text, I was just too lazy to respond.
Drive-Thru Workers: The longer you make me wait in line, the more change will be used for my payment...
I’m giving up on the silent treatment. ...Going to start talking to myself again.
From now on, I will be replacing the word `sh*t` with `sugar` in my facebook statuses, so that I don`t come across as being so f*cking vulgar all the time.
75% of my current net worth is in gift cards.
Want to watch a nerd have a melt down? Tell him that you just bought an Android Ipad.
I was standing in front of the mirror eariler, admiring my six pack for hours. But it got really warm so I put it back in the fridge.
pharmacy was out of my BP meds...so i bought a baseball bat instead..that works much faster
I was going to give you a nasty look but I see you already have one!
I`d like to thank the person who looked at a buzzing Bee-hive and thought: "Those ba$tards are hiding something delicious in there I know it."