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I wonder if "Sober Me" knows that "Drunk Me" can Breakdance?
Yes I have a dirty mind ... And you`re on it!
Wanted: Someone to hand feed me Cheetos so my fingers don`t get orange..... P.S. No weirdos.
I just burned 1200 calories! I forgot about the pizza in the oven.
they say there`s love in every corner....gosh I think I`m moving in circles
On average I spend $75 a year to watch bananas turn brown.
That awkward moment when you’re yelling at someone and you mess up a word.
Why do people ask "What were you thinking?" Obviouly, I thought I was going to get away with it!
I hate when I`m about to hug somebody really sexy and my face hits the mirror!!
I know how to wink my eye in like twelve different languages.
People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear world.
The real heroes are the people who live within driving distance of their in-laws.
All my dance moves look like i`m trying to tell the guy on first base to steal second
You wanna know where I`m ticklish? Hawaii.
FYI: I`m never gonna tell the person I`m meeting up with that you said hi.