Daily Silly Status

Let me be clear, I don`t want to die alone. However I want to be left completely alone until that moment

If you make something easier for yourself they call you lazy. If you make something easier for everyone else they call you a genius.

I don’t want to sound racist, but all stormtroopers look the same to me.

We should have staff meetings in the garden. The plants would love the fertilizer.

I asked my girlfriend if she was ok with me buying her a ring. She said "nothing would make me happier!" So I got her nothing.

If you workout and don`t post a status about it on Facebook, do you still lose weight?

Yesterday I jokingly asked my wife what she was burning for dinner. Turns out it was all my personal belongings.

If cats had wings, they would still just lay there.

A new study has found that women find it seven times easier to read men’s facial expressions than men have reading women’s. That’s mostly because we’re not looking at their faces ...

This salad tastes like I`m about done with my New Year`s Resolution.

I fell asleep at the wheel last weekend. My pottery was ruined.

If those Febreeze commercials with rooms filled with stinking, rotting garbage convince you to buy their product. Here`s a heads up for you........ You need to clean your freaking house!!!

I need a partner in wine.

There are two types of people I can`t stand. Nosy people, and people who won`t tell me what`s going on.

My misery likes tequila, not company.