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Honestly, I have no idea what the f*ck I`ll do with 5 hours of energy.
I can`t understand why women are okay that JCPenney has an older women`s clothing line named, "Sag Harbor."
Hardest thing in life: Trying to look happy when no money falls out of your birthday card.
* feels winds of change * realizes it`s just a hole in my shorts
Why is it called a "personal trainer", instead of an "exercist"?
If you`re married and having trouble, ask "what would Jesus do?" then remember that jesus was never married.
According to my fitness app, I watched TV for 6 miles this week.
Pay no attention to the device around my ankle.
life is too short to match socks
Share this if you know someone who is alive today simply because you don`t want to go to prison.
I`m fresh out of hopes and dreams. Can I interest any of you in despair and disappointment?
If Wendy`s think their square burgers are so awesome, why don`t they use square buns?
I’m over the 30-day ab challenge ... Is there a 30-day nap challenge I can take on?
You´re just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!
One problem with auto-correct is that you always end up posting some thong you didn`t Nintendo.