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GF: Does this dress make my a$$ look big? BF: Nope Your A$$ makes the dress look big.
I hope I’m the last guy on earth — I wanna see if all those women were lying to me.
Today I will kick a$$, and make dreams happen...but first, Coffee.
If I treated others how I wanted to be treated, I`d be doing a ton of spontaneous sexual favors for random strangers.
Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
If your cup is only half full, you probably need a smaller bra.
I wish I had the balls to be a juggler.
1. Go to police station 2. Say a gang mugged you 3. Describe your own relatives to police sketch artist 4. Claim free family portrait
No one understands you better than some crazy weirdos on the internet.
Gee I wish I could push the envelope... But it`s stationary.
You´re never too old to learn something stupid.
I ordered myself an Eastern European bride online. SO EXCITED. Just received confirmation… My Czech is in the mail!
If women kept their feelings to themselves would they explode? Guess we`ll never know.
The wifes exhausted as she`s had some hot steamy action lately, But at least the ironing basket is empty
Driving a Dodge doesn`t automatically make you a defensive driver.