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The downside of DVR is getting freaked out by tornado warnings from four days ago
I give 2 star movies 5 stars on Netflix because if I sat through this piece of sh!t, I want you to as well.
To ensure you never cut yourself while chopping vegetables, get a friend to hold the vegetable.
Respect your elders. They made it through school without Google and Wikipedia.
You don`t know laziness until you rob a bank & choose to wait for the amount you stole to be announced on news rather than count it yourself
How awesome would it be if boobs made maraca sounds when you shook them? LOL
If you want to see exactly how angry a person can get, tell them to "calm down" when they`re already pissed off.
I just googled "Is there really cowbell in the actual song Don`t Fear the Reaper?" and my first response was, "Go outside and do something."
I lost my mood ring today. Not sure how to feel about it
scratch here ¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦ to reveal my status
It`s a bird.. it`s a plane..no wait..it`s a blade of grass....
See, I would run, but it`s usually bodies of joggers that are found dead in the woods.
The man who created the Thesaurus has died. He`ll be fondly remembered, commemorated, memorialized, recalled and recollected.
Women are like bacon, they smell great, taste delicious and kill you slowly. Men are like bacon because we`re pigs.
One of the biggest decisions when you go to college is whether to join a fraternity or just be an asshole on your own.