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wondering if today is a good day to implement my plan...
So many feelings today. Mostly hunger.
Steve Jobs` text was meant to say: "I reign as CEO of Apple" Iphone autocorrect strikes again!
I`m late on the give thanks every day in November thing... so let me catch up. Days 1-22. I`m thankful for boobs
I`m the crazy bitch you`ll never forget.
"Cannot connect to network. Reset your wireless router." "Umm, okay, but what if my router is in my neighbour`s house? Should I call him?"
There are no limits to what you can accomplish when you’re supposed to be doing something else.
I`ve written my own book called 50 Shades of Gravy. It`s very saucy. :D
I`m proud to announce that I`m still the undefeated champion at racing with drivers who don`t know we`re racing.
If a$$holes could fly, this place would be an airport
You post all of your drama on Facebook. Then get upset when people judge you? You must be a special kind of stupid.
I always hear people say that a dog is man`s best friend, but I don`t even have enemies who`ll look me dead in my face while taking a sh!t on my carpet.
I hate it when someone turns the light on while I`m sleeping and I`m like O_-
When a male octopus finds a mate, he rips off his happy place and throws it at the female octopus so she can inseminate herself. Then the male grows a new happy place. If that isn`t the most epic way to tell someone to go $*&# themselves, I don`t know what is!
Spoiler Alert: Ladies, if your guy friend gets you a teddy bear, it has a Camera in it.