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Diet goal: I want to lose just enough so that my hand will fit comfortably in a Pringles can...
Before I wash my socks, I just throw one in the trash.
Instead of exes, they should be called whys.
Halloween always exposes my weakness for Milk Duds, I am powerless. Tomorrow I will attend MDA, Milk Duds Anonymous
You know you`re old when you think "pokemon" is a gay rastafarian
Sorry to all my friends and family members who didn`t know I was a freak until they saw my likes and shares on Facebook.
Accidentally used AOL.com, I betting the employees there are celebrating and think they have a sure future.
You know what else looks like a ring and has lots of power over people? Donuts.
It doesn`t matter if the shoe fits or not, I`m still shoving it up your a$$.
Every morning I check my girlfriends horoscope to see what kind of day I`m going to have.
I think I`ve finally found someone I could spend the rest of my life with, I should probably get out of her closet and introduce myself.
Waldo’s mom must be worried sick.
I wish I was full of tacos instead of feelings.
I don’t think I get enough credit for doing everything I do while being unmedicated.
My favorite part of seeing someone I know in public is pretending I didn’t.