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Remember the bridge you drive over today was built by the lowest bidder.
You never know a person until you walk in their shoes... or until you check their browser history.
I`m only a morning person on December 25th
sometimes i look at people and think really, thats the sperm that won.
This morning I woke up to a surprise BJ. Thats the last time I fall asleep on the train with my mouth open.
It`s all good and well until the fecal matter impacts the electric powered air current generation device.....
I hate it when my cat leaves a dead Smart Car on my doorstep.
The guest of honour was a bit subdued. The Keyboardist was playing too softly for my liking. But it was a good turnout, lots of food and laughter. But break out into one choreographed `Thriller` dance routine and the crowd goes all apesh!t and tosses you out of the funeral home.
It`s Sunday or as I like to call it, "No pants day".
I have completely mastered the right way to do everything wrong.
Silence is Golden, but telling some people to go f*ck themselves is PRICELESS...!
Do watch out for elderly neighbours in the heat wave. They`re liable to trap you for hours and talk about the weather.
Trying to remain humble but Iām the most famous person in my living room right now.
Don`t send me a ;) face and then wonder why I show up at your house naked.
You can`t always decide who walks into your life, but you can decide which window to throw them out of.