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People around me think I`m losing it. So today, I had to sit myself down and have a talk.
You know your phone can take pictures of other people too right? Just checking.
If we agree, I`m probably being sarcastic ... Or I`m drunk
When will vegeterians stop eating my food`s food??
Stalking is when two people go for a long romantic walk together but only one of them knows about it.
I bought a Tempurpedic mattress just so that I’d have an excuse to go to sleep with a giant glass of wine every night.
If life is unfair to everyone, doesn’t that make life fair?
I`ll bet Amish people look forward to Thanksgiving since it`s the only time their clothes look festive.
If we start calling it `potato juice`, Vodka becomes a health drink. RIGHT?
Instead of laughing my a$$ off, I`m going to start laughing my stomach off. I`d rather lose that.
I just heard "Eye of the Tiger" and now I`m motivated to conquer the world. Or at least get out of my pajamas.
Having to cash in my State Quarter Collection`s map for gas money is reaching a new low.
Learning to "stop drop and roll" in elementary school lead me to believe catching on fire would be a much more frequent problem in life.
This book on marriage says treat your wife like you treated her on the first date, so after dinner tonight I am dropping her off at her parents` house
Every so often you come across a person who always smiles no matter what, that person is the reason why random bitch slaps should be a thing