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If you watch COPS backwards it`s just a bunch of people overcoming miraculous obstacles to win free drugs
Aging is inevitable, Maturing is optional.
Mazda’s marketing slogan is “We Build Mazdas.” They decided on it after rejecting others like: “Mazdas Are Cars” and “Buy Mazdas With Money”
If the human race has a "signature move," its gotta be lying to the dentist about flossing.
my wish for tonight is for the person reading this status to have a Good Night!
Liking something on Facebook instead of commenting is like nodding at someone in an elevator instead of saying hello.
Alcohol. Because who really wants to remember last night?
A new study says eating sugar will kill you and was conducted by the No Sh!t Sherlock Research Institute.
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others. The rest of us have to be the others.
You ever wonder why wearing no underwear is called “going commando”? It seems to me it wouldn’t be useful in a combat situation.
I robbed a bank yesterday....now the question is, what to do with all that sperm....
On demand sucks. Hoarders made me fill up the dumpster and clean the house. Now I want to collect coupons and go to the pawn shop....
Its better to have loved and lost, then stay with that psyco for one more sec
Where is the button to restart summer?
These ‘energy saving` light-bulbs are bullsh!t. They take just as much effort to screw in as the ordinary ones.