Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
All women are crazy. But, if you pretend to listen to them when they talk, they will let you live.
why do wise people never make wisecracks?
The early bird catches the worm. And the late bird catches one of the other trillion worms left. What`s your point?
I bought one of the "Books for Dummies" for 50% off, but I needed help to figure out what the price was.
Adulthood is when 4:30am is early in the morning instead of late at night.
Its amazing how much more tolerable thanksgiving with the family becomes after the 5th cocktail…
Asking a girl what exactly she looks for in a guy is like asking her "what exactly do I have to do to get friendzoned?
I paid attention to the construction signs and got in the correct lane. You ignored them for miles and now you want me to let you in. Not gonna happen.
I’m old enough to know what’s bad for me and young enough to do it.
I’m starting to think that some of you are misspelling words on porpoise.
If people could read my mind, I’d get punched in the face a lot.
Give me a fish & I`ll cook you dinner. Teach me to fish & I`ll just be sitting there in the boat with you getting drunk.
Dear person reading this, just want you to know that someone cares about you. It`s not me, but I`m sure someone does...
Dear ladies, Not trying to impress you or anything, but I make my own sandwiches.
My Son: The marriage vows say "tell death do us part", so we are not married in heaven ? Me: That`s right son, cause if we were still married, we`d be in hell.