Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Helpful Tip: A ceiling fan won`t cut a bagel in half ... Not even on top speed
Growing up and becoming an adult was the worst decision I’ve ever made.
Dating would be a lot easier if the opposite sex had a tail. That way, I could see if it was wagging or not after I did or said something.
Sometimes I wish that I could put my wife on airplane mode.
Bring me the heads of my enemies!! or some cupcakes ... whichever.
My short-term memory is my ONLY problem..... Well, that, and my short-term memory
I live in constant fear that someone will kidnap my mother in law who lives all alone at 48 W Main St, bldg C, Apt 32 on the 3rd floor.
It`s all sh*ts and giggles till somebody giggles and sh*ts
Would you mind going with me to my next Psychologist appointment? He thinks I`m making you up.
The best part about being an adult is, nobody can tell you, you can`t have ice cream for breakfast.
I hav 10 fingers bt i usd only.. the thumb to write this...!
If you don`t like my facebook posts, feel free to delete me and solely visit your friends` pages where the big news of the day is when their grandkids finally took a $hit all by themselves.
I may not be the smartest guy in the world, or the richest guy in the world, or the best looking guy in the world, but.... Oh, hell. Now I`m depressed.
DO NOT expect a "Bless You" after your 3rd sneeze. Get that sh!t under control.
Apparently, the average person looks at their phone 150 times a day. Not me. I look at it just once. For about 12 hours.