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Sometimes I say stuff without even meaning to be funny and I`m like "Man, my subconsicious is hilarious!"
I just saw a giant spider in my room so I sprayed it with hairspray. It`s not dead, but its hair looks fabulous.
I accidentally wore green today. And I probably will be drunk later but NOT because it`s St. Patrick`s Day, because it`s Monday.
The only way a fidgey spinner would relieve my stress is if it was edible ...
The lyrics for "hush little baby" are basically saying "I will buy you anything if you just shut the hell up"
The more photos you have to untag, the better the weekend was.
am updating my status just to let you know my status has no status
The guy who invented the Time Machine has just died.... RIP DAVE JONES 2187-2014
Whoever invented the 5 day work week and 2 day weekend can suck my a**!
Secretly replaced the bacon with beggin` strips. Let`s see if the customers notice.
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and then six months later you have to do it all over again.
I don`t feel like folding the laundry, so I just restart the dryer
R.I.P. 2013 (2013-2013)
When the kids come home from school they close the door then almost immediately open another door..... The one to the fridge!!!!
Here is a thought for all you mind readers out there…