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Vegetables are a must on my diet. I am eating Carrot cake, Zucchini bread and Pumpkin pie.
people live & people die, but in the the end we still get high.. so if in life you dont succeed, F*CK it All & smoke some WEED ?
Fact: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, baconless, cheeseburgerless, meatless years.
My key to happiness is probably lost somewhere in the junk drawer.
I hate that part of the morning where I have to get out of bed and participate in real life.
Facebook is great! It reminds me to go to the gym and take my birth control so I don`t end up like everyone I went to high school with.
Me? Stalk? No, I just observe... behind a tree... at night…in the rain.
Don`t trust anyone that orders a Medium Pizza....
Doc: ``Hows your headache ?`` Me: ``She`s at home``
I dig, she digs, he digs, they dig, we dig. its not a good poem but its really deep.
Sex Ed should require them to listen to a crying baby for 5 hours, and to watch the same episode of a cartoon over and over again.
Nice try salad bars, there`s only one kinda bar I plan on attending.
Parenting gets a lot harder when you can no longer say "I`m calling Santa!"
If I keep hitting the treadmill like I do every night, in a few weeks maybe I`ll learn to turn on the light when I get up to pee in the dark
Guy on plane: So, where are you going? Me: I`m guessing it`s the same place you`re going.