Daily Silly Status

Thanks to this huge spider web I just walked into, we can now add the neighbors to the list of people that have seen me naked.

That awkward moment when you run into someone and there`s no where to hide

Warranty – A notice telling the buyer when the product that was just purchased will no longer function.

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

My life has a great cast, but I can’t really figure out the plot.

I`m jealous of my parents, I`ll never have kids as cool as theirs.

My phone just filmed a 6 hour documentary about life inside my pocket

Autocorrect is changing correctly spelled words. I’m starting to think it has a mind of its AUTOCORRECT IS HARMLESS. GO ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS.

I don`t have a drinking problem ... I`m just really thirsty.

I`ve decided to add more positivity in my life. So, now when I say someone`s an a@#hole, I qualify it with......... but he`s really good at it...........and I`m positive about that!

Apparently a teen in Brazil died after jerking off 42 times without stopping. So incase you were wondering. ...41, guys,...that`s the limit.

I do love you for your mind, I just like your mind a lot more when you’re naked.

If you don`t do stupid sh!t while you`re young, you`ll have nothing to talk about later in life while sitting at the bar.

Welcome to fight club..., you may now kiss the bride.

Ever wish the choice you made and the “right thing to do” were the same thing?