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Just told the guy at the second drive-thru window that the guy at the first drive-thru window wants to fight him.
When life is stressful, do something to lift your spirits. Go for a drive. Go two or three thousand miles away. Maybe change your name.
When a woman says, "I`m NOT crazy" *clapping her palms together per syllable* That`s universal for, "You`re going to die."
*breaking news music plays* Last thought of the night: Why is now everyone talkin` bout "twerkin`"? Man, that shyt been `round since the days of Hammer pants and spandex shorts!!!!
can be sympathetic, empathetic, compassionate, welcoming, loyal, trust-worthy, forgiving, understanding, and giving. But not to today!
Describe myself in three words ... 1. Lazy
"The Twilight Zone" makes me long for the days when you could smoke on a spaceship.
When I think of a SELFIE, I`m not sure it`s the same thing you`re thinking of...
Don’t jump to confusions.
Mister Rogers didn`t adequately prepare me for the people in my neighborhood.
All I need to know about you is defined by whether you ask for a cup or a cone when ordering ice cream.
How many servings of fruit are in a fruit roll up? I`m trying to take my diet seriously now.
I`ve been having real problems with nuisance phone calls lately. The most common one seems to be "You said you`d be home from the bar three f*cking hours ago!"
Some people walk into your life and leave footprints on your heart. Some people walk into life and make you want to leave footprints on their face
After lengthy reflection, I’ve concluded that having kids wasn’t worth the seven times my son took out the garbage for me.