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If laziness was a sport, I would win first. Except I would have to send someone to except my medal.
If you got up this morning and ran straight to fb i am 100% POSITIVE its because you missed me.
Tomorrow the world shall be ours! Until then, good night my evil minions!!
I hate girls who insert the phrase "my boyfriend" into every conversation. So does my boyfriend.
Sarcasm and orgasm. Two things most people don`t get. Those who do are smiling right now.
I can already tell it`s going to be another one of those mornings where I`m not rich and famous.
my Dr. says i have ADHD, i dont know how they see.... oooooh a squirrel!
I put the "fun" in "functioning alcoholic"
Caterpillars have it made. They eat a lot, go to sleep, then wake up beautiful.
Do you know what this house is missing? A box of $#!+, Let`s get a cat.
Game of Thrones is exciting, but I think it`s important to remember that these people are fighting over a chair
I would have a girlfriend but finding someone who likes to be ignored is hard.
Why is it so hard to find an exercise bike with a nice little basket where I can put my nachos?
Adam Levine beating me out for sexiest man contest is complete bullsh*t.
I did all I can do. I can´t do no more