Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Those of you who say “I’ll sleep when I’m dead” don’t really get how the whole “dead” thing works, do you?
Imagine being the sort of person who knows what every button on a TV remote does.
I need plastic surgery to fix whatever it is about my face that gives people the impression I want to hear about their relationship problems.
I keep myself in just good enough shape to outrun most women and small children during emergencies.. :|
Have you ever been so hungry you accidentally called someone sandwich?
If cats had wings, they would still just lay there.
Stumbled into bed late last night. "You`re drunk," she said. "AND, you live next door."
Instead of calling it the John, I call my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.
I just don`t have enough middle fingers for today.
I see your Full House and I raise you 3 episodes of Home Improvement. -Me, not knowing how to play poker, but loving 90`s TV
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire!
I don`t post a lot of personal statuses - but when I do it`s all about you ..
Every time I`m about to win an argument with my wife, someone wakes me up...
If you have just started playing flappy bird I would like to warn you there is nothing up ahead but more dangling pipes and disappointment