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I shouldn`t play with Legos!? It says "Ages 7 & Up". 30 is higher than 7. Instead of calling me immature, you need to go take a math class.
is in no shape to exercise
I`m not saying not to trust the Internet, but there is an alarming discrepancy between the number of iPads I`ve won and the number of iPads I own.
Yes, milk from cows tastes nice. But to the person that first found that out...you have issues bro
At least thirty percent of my workout is spent picking a different song.
Sarcasm is like a good game of chess. Most people don`t know how to play chess.
Ironically the only way I`d watch the 50 Shades of Grey movie is if you tied me to a chair and forced me to.
I put the "fun" in "functioning alcoholic"
My doctor told me, "DON`T mix this medicine with alcohol or you could wake up somewhere naked with a monkey on your arm." CHALLENGE ACCEPTED
The best things in life can`t be seen or touched. At least, that`s what the restraining order says.
Elderly people used to always nudge me at weddings and say "You`re next."What got them to stop is when............I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box for me to start a campfire?
Im just waiting for the day for Ashton Kutcher to go to Charlie Sheen and say "its stilll your show. YOU JUST BEEN PUNK`D!"
The sun and I have an understanding. He gets up before I do.
If a cop ever asks me to count from 100 backwards ...I just get in the back seat