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Wrapping these baby carrots in Tootsie Roll wrappers is exhausting but the payoff will be worth it come Halloween.
What is the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know, and I don’t care.
Parallel lines have so much in common, it`s a shame they`ll never meet
Sometimes when I`m bored I crawl into a corner of my room and pretend I`m a person.
Best of luck explaining why you’re still single at Thanksgiving and Charles Manson isn’t.
I don`t like people who can`t make fun of themselves. It means more work for me.
My New Year`s Resolution is to stop making late decisions.
I’m beginning to think that for some of you, the wheels on your bus do not go round & round.
Chess says everything about men and women. The King has to take things one step at a time, while the Queen can do whatever the hell she wants.
So impolite of people to sneak up on you while you’re talking sh!t about them.
I`m at the facebook saloon, drinking all night long
Legalizing same sex marriage. I thought all sex was the same after marriage.
Just because nobody complains doesn`t mean all parachutes are perfect.
The opposite of "tying the knot" is "no strings attached"
Women say all men are dogs, but fail to realize that dogs are the most loyal creatures in the world if you treat them right.