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I won`t be impressed with technology until I can download food.
#Redskins QB Robert Griffin III back after surgery to reconstruct the ACL and repair the LCL in his right knee. He`s now RG 3.2
My friend told me that bigamy was having one wife to many. I thought that was called monogamy.
A house is not a home until you can find all light switches in the dark.
If a man says you’re ugly he’s being mean. If a woman says you’re ugly she’s envious. If a little kid says you’re ugly, you’re ugly.
I fell asleep at the wheel smh, time to turn Mario Kart off and go to bed.
It doesn’t matter how many signs I put up around the office, HR said high five a co-worker in the face with a shovel day isn’t a thing.
heyy lol
Expect nothing and you`ll be impressed every day.
It’s not weird to talk to yourself, it’s just weird when someone else hears you talking to yourself.
My sister borrowed my favorite shirt without asking again, so I changed her Facebook profile picture to a positive Clearblue pregnancy test.
Space heaters are the perfect housewarming gifts.
It`s really cold out there folks. If you`re heading to Wal-Mart, please wear two pairs of pajamas.
I swear, its like EVERY payday I gotta spend money cause there`s a birthday party to go to, a wedding, a baby shower, a new video game, a new stripper, something. Always something...
Leaving a watermelon on someone’s doorstep in the middle of night is a pretty inexpensive way to occupy a portion of their mind forever.