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Boss: "Thanks for the coffee. You know what`d go well with this?" Me: "The antidote?" Boss: "No, a donu...Wait, what?" Me: "Nothing"
I love hearing rumors about me...that`s how I find out what I`ve been doing.
Sorry to all my friends and family members who didn`t know I was a freak until they saw my likes and shares on Facebook.
I f*cking hate you. Hope that clears things up.
The more photos you have to untag, the better the weekend was.
Imagine taking your girlfriend to your friends house for the 1st time, and her phone automatically connects to his password protected wifi.
Use a mirror and you will find, PI.E = 3.14
A high school diploma takes you 12 years to get, 2 minutes to frame and a lifetime to forget where you put it.
It is amazing how quickly kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower, dishwasher, or vacuum cleaner.
My girlfriend left the lights on, on her Smart Car last night. This morning I had to jump start it with my Android.
The trick is not let anyone know how really weird you are until it’s too late to back out.
You think you love your family but suddenly there`s three of you and one remaining slice of pizza.
It only takes a few seconds to show someone how you feel about them,The police call it indecent exposure but whatever...
FACT: Men are much less likely to divulge a secret than women. Probably because they weren`t really listening to begin with.
Jingle bells johnny smells, amelia ruled the show, frankies okay, marcus is gay, little mix all the way.. HAY !!!