Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My kids keep bugging me about dinner even after I told them I already ate...
Anyone else immediately turn down the car radio the second you think you might be lost?
Ran out of post-it notes, now I don`t know how to remind myself to buy more.
Considering I`m broke, I wonder if she`ll let me be her sugar-free daddy.
That moment when you run into a spider web and suddenly become a karate master.
I spend more time looking in the fridge than I actually do eating.
Things that make women emotional- 1) sad movies 2) love stories 3) anything 4) everything
I guarantee there`s a pregnant teenager somewhere who thinks `Ebola` would be a lovely name for their child.
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
I roasted a turkey today, but I don`t think he got the jokes.
See above or below for better statuses.
The difference between me & normal people is the normal
I don`t think stupid people understand how much effort goes into not punching them in the face
I`m not opposed to manscaping, but I don`t see the point of cutting the grass until somebody takes interest in the property.
How about this for lazy: I`m letting the NSA take all my selfies for me.