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The more I drink, the more I realize how much more I still want to drink.
If you need some help at Home Depot and are being ignored, get on one of their step ladders
Sorry for illegally downloading your music, guy who mostly makes songs about doing crime.
The only thing that makes me happy about the launch of a new model cell phone is that I can finally afford the previous model.
When I`m in a bathroom stall, please don`t yell "Oh my God oh my God there`s a guy in here!" Respect my privacy.
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn`t much, but the reception was excellent.
Ha, SUCKA`S! I just smuggled a bag of popcorn into the movie theater. Now I just need to borrow their microwave.
Not sure what my spirit animal is, but I am sure it has rabies
This guy told me that playing the voilin is the best way to calm you down. I bet he never tried smashing it over someone`s head.
Eventually, the entire written English language will be taken over by emoticons. Teenage girls will bring us back to Egyptian hieroglyphics.
Hey,,,, I said I`d be there in 10 minutes... Quit calling me every half hour.
God gives us only what we can handle... Apparently God thinks I am a bad-ass.
It`s all shits and giggles till someone giggles and shits
Every time my daughter drinks juice she says "cheers" so.... no, not looking forward to parent teacher conferences.
I wonder if these beers are performance enhancing. Iām feeling pretty awesome!!