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Girls say they want a guy who is funny and spontaneous but when I tap on the window at night dressed as a clown it’s all panic and screaming.
Girls don`t dress for guys, they dress for themselves. If they dressed for guys they would be naked all the time
I hate it when I put on my apple bottom jeans and cannot find my boots with da fur!!
The Swiss must`ve been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.
If McDonald`s was smart they`d serve breakfast until 2pm on the weekends.
Just once...one time; can`t we buy a tree that doesn`t try to attack me when I come home drunk at 2am.
I feel like dinner parties are secretly competitions about who watches the most news and documentaries
Every fork at your favorite restaurant has been in 100`s of strangers` mouths
Nothing screams "I don`t care about being on time for work" like hopping on Facebook first thing in the morning.
If wookies have a 400 year life span, then Han Solo is basically like Chewbacca`s third dog.
I finally got some medication for my Attention Deficit Disorder. Now if I could just remember the name of it and where I left it at.
Love your neighbor, but don`t get caught...
I get very annoyed when people mix up there, they`re and their. From now on I`m going to point it out, weather they like it or not.
Just saw two homeless guys hitting each other with a piece of cardboard................PILLOW FIGHT!!!!!!
Do you smoke? Smokers: "Yes." Non-Smokers: "Never have, never will." Stoners: "Smoke what?"