Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I purchased my own Taser off the internet the other day. In a totally unconnected incident, I´ve got to buy a cat to replace the neighbors one this afternoon.
I`m sick and tired of people telling me to turn off my lights to save the environment. I tried it once and I hit a cyclist....
Every time I get an eyelash in my eye, I`m reminded of how quickly I would die in the wild
Never throw sunglasses in an argument. If they land perfectly on your opponent`s face there is no known comeback.
Never seen anyone jogging and smiling, so that’s all I need to know about that.
I love to start my day by getting on Facebook to see who is a whiny little bi!ch today.
I don`t know where the saying "working like a dog" got started but I`m looking at my dogs daily routine feeling pretty jealous myself.
Hey chicks that only post inspirational shit: we know you’re nuts.
My doctor said I`m healthy enough for sexual activity ... I`m just not attractive enough.
If I had a cooking show, it would be called “Do You Smell Something Burning?”
Facebook is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves.
Mcdonalds Drive thru: Do you want a girl toy or a boy toy? Me: You have those here?!
I finally finished my 4,000 piece jigsaw puzzle. It reads- " Get a life you sad F**k "
Being in the friend zone is like being the guy in the band who plays that little triangle.
Happy birthday you motor boatin SOB! Have a great day