Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I am actually impressed by what Lance Armstrong has done. When I was on drugs, I couldn`t even find my bike!
So after vacuuming with the new Dyson, I`m pleasantly surprised to learn that the carpet upstairs is actually hardwood.
In-laws the reason why I`d never get married..
You bring everyone a lot of joy ... when you leave the room.
I love it when the person’s laugh is funnier than the actual joke.
Guy tip of the day: To avoid arguments about the toilet seat, use the sink...
There is no evidence that exists that life should be taken seriously.
I think "Don`t Kid Yourself" would be a great brand name for birth control pills....
Here hold my dignity, I`ve got some sketchy shit to do.
My version of flirting is looking at someone attractive multiple times while hoping they are more brave than I am.
My original account got suspended for aggressive behavior and they haven`t even seen me in bed yet.
If anyone tells you, you have ADHD. Pay no attention.
Don`t let this historic Cubs World Series win distract you from the fact that Donkey never made Shrek those waffles he promised to make.
Welcome to my bedroom,this is where the magic happens.....and by that I mean this is where I read my Harry Potter books.
`Google`` must be a woman, because it knows everything.