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You never know a person until you walk in their shoes, or until you check their browser history.
"This place needs to be sticky, wall to wall." - Every 2 year old with a Popsicle.
I bet the hardest part of working the poison control hotline is not finishing your sentences with "...you ignorant dumbass"
I like having an ex ...it gives me something to do on Facebook at 3 in the morning.
"2 weeks with my baby xoxoxo" lol,calm down romeo&juliet.
I remember 2011 like it was yesterday. ;)
Seven years ago today I swallowed bubblegum ... I`ll keep you all posted.
You know it`s time to get a girlfriend when you masturbate in different positions
I`m not fat. My stomach is in 3D
Bored, so Iām going to find a kid that looks like me and tell him Iām him from the future.
I bet if there were little basketball hoops above every garbage can, littering would greatly decrease.
Another successful year no random father`s day cards in the mail!
I don`t think we appreciate this era enough. For instance, none of us will see old photos of our moms whoring it up on Instagram.
I`d stop disappointing you, if you stopped expecting me to do stuff.
Talking bout planets with my 8 yr old. He asked if you can just plow thru Uranus because it`s all gas. I cannot respond maturely.