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If each day is a gift, I`d like to know where I can return Monday.
It´s Friday-O-Clock!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I often wondered what it`d be like to be married to an idiot. I asked my wife and she said you get used to it after a while.
Neat, your girlfriend is made out of the same stuff as your air guitar!
thinks that decaffeinated coffee is just useless brown water.
The real reason the Mayan civilization collapsed is they never updated their Adobe.
Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh.
If I could have dinner with anyone alive or dead I would just have two dinners.
Hearing jokes is always 100 times funnier when you have water in your mouth.
I`ll just admire you from afar.. Or 500ft. That`s what this paper says.
I ruined my health by drinking to everyone else’s.
I dont need to control my anger everyone around me needs to control their habit of pissing me off!
1. Go to police station 2. Say a gang mugged you 3. Describe your own relatives to police sketch artist 4. Claim free family portrait
I never finish anyth...............
If 3 people have sex, it`s called a 3-some. If 2 people have sex, it`s called a 2-some. I guess we now know why they call you HAND-some.