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Sometimes, I use big words I don`t always fully understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.
I`d hate to be a dragon .....I`d get so pissed tryin to blow out my birthday candles.
I wish common sense was more common.
I don`t like making plans for the day, because then the pesky word "premeditated " gets thrown around in court.
None of the animals I designed and invented are at the zoo. Do they even check the suggestion box?
If you don’t like being tailgated then don’t play movies I like.
a friend will calm you down when you`re angry a best friend will run beside you with a baseball bat shouting, "somebody`s gonna get it!"
Don`t hide your feelings. Hide the evidence.
At 4-way stop, the first person to finish their text has the right of way right?
When I die I want Charlie Sheen’s life to flash before my eyes.
Life Tip: Get a birthday card with anything you are embarrassed to buy.
Hey, sorry I missed your call. I saw your name on the caller ID and I didn’t want to ruin my day by talking to you.
If someone doesn`t respond to your text within 5 minutes, they obviously don`t love you anymore. Probably never did, react accordingly.
Relationships would be easier if people came with a "Clear History" button.
My favorite machine at the gym is the one you put change in and snacks come out