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Just put my money where my mouth is. Pennies taste disgusting.
If you live by the sword, I guess that is pretty cool. I live by some trees and shit.
Sunglasses allow you to stare at people without getting caught. It`s like facebook in real life.
It only takes 2 ingredients to make a baby. Does that not blow your mind. Like at least there should be some flour or something.
If you think the things I say out loud are bad, you should hear the things I keep to myself.
If you were home alone in the middle of the night, and you heard a fart, would you laugh or be scared.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity........thats how rich I want to be.
Iām pretty sure I could start a new life with only the crap in my car.
Nice try salad bars, there`s only one kinda bar I plan on attending.
These energy drinks make sitting on the couch so much more exciting.
"If Donald Duck doesn`t have to wear pants than neither do I!"- Me getting drunk at Disney World.
Is it weird that I`m 43 years old and have a secret handshake with 3 adults.....and my dog?
Being alive is so expensive.
Just because nobody complains doesn`t mean all parachutes are perfect.