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I don`t know what`s scarier. Houses with Halloween decorations or houses that still have up Christmas decorations from last year.
If you hold out your arms like Frankenstein when walking in a leg brace, people let you cut in line at Starbucks.
There are so many scams on the Internet now these days, but for $19.95 I can show you how to avoid them.
Now it`s too hot to take down the outdoor Christmas lights.
My life coach just benched me.
Safe words are for quitters.
You know you`re a bad driver when Siri tells you "after 400 feet stop and let me out"
TV and the Internet are good because they keep stupid people from spending too much time out in public.
Seriously, You accidentally catch six kitchen towels on fire and all of a sudden you can`t go in the kitchen alone anymore.
Last person to like this wins a prize.
In retrospect, I suppose "harder" wasn`t the best choice of a safe word.
Suddenly my prison fantasy football league just got real.
On a scale of 1-10, I give this day a middle finger.
My ex said he would die for me. All I`m saying is, it was his suggestion.
Do a little dance... Drink a lot of rum... Fall down tonight...