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I am currently unsupervised ... I know, it freaks me out too. But the possibilities are endless!
You know you`re old when you think "pokemon" is a gay rastafarian
The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you`re signing a cast.
Do you know what sexual position produces the ugliest children? ... Go ask your mother.
Men are trained from birth that happiness comes from either boobs or a bottle.
Every cigarette you smoke takes 5 minutes off your student loan debt.
I used to have a life. Then some idiot came along and said "Why don’t you make a Facebook account? It`s fun".
My life is the intersection between having too much caffeine and constantly yawning.
Thanks for accepting my friend request on Facebook, even though is was solely so I could gain full access to your profile and judge your life choices.
Never underestimate a woman’s ability to make anything your fault.
When I order pizza online, in the "Special Instructions for the Driver" box, I put "Tell me I`m a pretty princess".
You know you have anger-management issues when you use an entire can of fly spray at point blank range to kill the tinest of moths...
Just because I don’t like you doesn’t mean I don’t want you to like me.- Most Girls
I`ve found a new coping mechanism....................COOKIES!
Babies are really cute until you meet one that`s not a picture.