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Here is your New Years Resolution. All of that stupid sh!t you did last year? Don’t do that crap this year. Done. You’re welcome.
My anaconda will take whatever it can get at this point.
My 4-year-old thinks the 5-second rule means he can eat anything off the floor if he waits 5-seconds first. That M&M was from last Easter.
They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.
I wish I could talk to donkeys so I could be known as the ass whisperer.
So it`s racist to call a team Redskins but it`s okay to call a restaurant Cracker Barrel ?
People with 1 syllable names ruin the happy birthday song
I bet acting like azzholes on the Internet all day wasn`t where most of us visioned our lives to be right now.
We need to DETACH from all this technology and live life in the moment. Sent from my iPhone
Inviting a friend to play Candy Crush Saga is like hosting an intervention and providing the crack.
“The darndest things.” -kids
Ya know what I really hate about mornings? People start talking to me!
The girl next door looks over at me, then her phone, then makes a disgusted look on her face. I think she`s just found my Facebook account
If two wrongs don`t make a right, try three.
USB sounds like a backup in case the USA fails.