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You never really know someone until you break up with them. If they don’t go crazy and try to kill you than maybe you should give them a second chance.
"Wife dragged me to this theater. Somebody shoot me." -Abraham Lincoln`s last Tweet.
Stole a cart from this woman at Walmart today. I like to think of it as playing grand theft auto suburbs edition.
I don`t lift so maybe I`m wrong about this, but I feel like Popeye might be focusing on his forearms too much.
I wonder if Batman knows that other cities have crime, too.
On the 12th day of Christmas my FB gave to me- 12 dudes I`m blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny topics, 9 busted Barbies, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites, fiiiivvvvee drama queeeennss, 4 game requests, 3 photo tags, 2 friends a-pokin and a creep who wont stop Inboxing meee... ;)
I`d be super embarrassed if people saw my google history but only because its all words I should really know how to spell by now
I started to compliment my neighbors on their new wallpaper but then I realized they can`t hear me through binoculars.
Stalin should have known communism doesn`t work. There were red flags everywhere.
Every novel is a mystery, if you never finish it.
Sorry I made fun of your erectile dysfunction, I hope there’s no hard feelings.
My daughter said, "You`re the best mommy ever!" I`m really proud that she`s learning sarcasm at such a young age.
That last phone call with my wife was so boring, I feel like I owe the NSA an apology.
"We have HBO" - apparently still a bragging point in the motel industry.
New documentary movie about white trash .... I only saw the trailer ....